


And The Stars Their Brilliance Hide

by Estirose



Series: Harder to be Brave, Easier to Hide [11]
Category: Power Rangers R.P.M.
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-03
Updated: 2012-10-17
Packaged: 2017-11-15 12:55:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 31,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/527549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Estirose/pseuds/Estirose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ziggy, feeling like he shouldn't be a Ranger, decides the best thing to do is end his life. His mentor and teammates have other ideas. Self-remix of the "Harder To Be Brave, Easier To Hide" sequence.</p><p>Warnings for suicidal ideation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, I decided to remix, for my own reasons, the "Harder To Be Brave" sequence. I think I promised someone I'd post it up after I was done. Well, I'm done, and so here it is.
> 
> This contains text from "Harder To Be Brave" through "Unburdening Oneself", along with the side fic "Buying Shirts". A small amount of "Lighter Duty" and "Now The City's Own" are in here if you blink. It's got six chapters with an epilogue (and originally contained a prologue, which in this copy is merged with the first chapter). It also incorporates ideas from defeatedbyabridge.
> 
> The title comes from a slight misread of part a Bible verse (to be exact, Joel 2:10), which I kept because it made more sense for this story than the actual word.

"Ranger Operator Series Green, where are you going?"

The young man, who was trying to move quietly towards the doorway, paused. He ran his hand through curly dark hair, turning his head towards the screen that hadn't been lit up a moment before, and favored the letter featured upon it with a smile that might have been a bit strained. "Ziggy," he said, as if to correct the voice. "You know, 'Ranger Operator Series Green' doesn't really trip off the tongue."

"It is, nevertheless, your title." If the voice caught the hint, it gave no clue. The vocal graph below the large 'K' remained steady. "And you have yet to explain why you are fully dressed and attempting to depart the premises without permission at one o'clock in the morning."

"Can't sleep. So I'm going out." The young man seemed to ignore the voice's statement as well, continuing towards the door. He rubbed at one wrist, as if it was bothering him.

"Ranger Green," the voice responded, shortening the title slightly, "may I remind you that you have training in the morning, and you need to sleep eight hours to achieve your optimal performance - such as that is."

There was a sting in the words, and the young man seemed to tense a little. "Dillon doesn't sleep much, and you're never on his case about it."

"Ranger Operator Series Black does not require as much sleep as you do,"  the voice told him.

The tenseness in the man's shoulders seemed to loosen a little. "You never know, I might surprise you," he said, backing up in the direction he'd been heading.

"If my initial scans are correct-" But the voice never really got a chance to finish that sentence as the young man reached the door, yanking it open. "Ranger Green, you are not allowed to leave while I am talking to you-"

"Sorry, Doc," the young man said with a grin as he slipped through the door into the darkness.

* * *

Doctor K watched as her newest Ranger slipped out the pedestrian door, uncertain as to why he was behaving in such an odd way. Certainly, she had observed him since he'd come to the Garage, and especially since his unauthorized bond with his morpher, but she'd never paid that much attention to the person that Ranger Operator Series Black had brought with him, and therefore, she was unable to discern why he was acting in unexpected rebellion.

She remembered from his debriefing that he stated that he had chosen to take her words seriously in regards to protecting the morpher from Tenaya 7. From his information and Ranger Black's, she could well believe that he had taken on the morpher in a moment of responsibility, seeing no way other than that to prevent Venjix forces from capturing the device, despite having no desire to join Project Ranger in his current capacity. She had reluctantly conceded that it was, given the events involved, the best course of action he could have taken.

It didn't mean that she had to like it.

His tests and scans - performed after he had returned to base and debriefed - had proved he was totally inadequate as a Ranger. His statements coincided with her own tests that he was not used to fighting. Still, the morpher had run through its own tests - tests that she had programmed into it herself - and had determined that Ranger Green had passed, if barely.

He would require an enormous amount of training to come up even to default, and she had spent the evening planning that. He had seemed amenable to it, so his departure during the night seemed incongruous to her.

But still, it had happened. She sighed, activating the tracking function on his morpher to see which direction he was heading. She doubted ordering him back would be effective and was not worth wasting her time on; she would have Ranger Black bring him back instead and then discuss the insubordination with him in the morning, after he'd gotten some sleep - drug-induced, if needed be.

The computer brought up the location of his morpher. It was not moving. She frowned, typing another command, and locating it.

It was within the building. She remembered him scratching at his wrist during their conversation, as he'd been doing during much of the previous evening, as if he'd been allergic to his morpher. However, she'd performed a test and it seemed the itch was purely psychological.

How she'd failed to notice that he was not wearing it was unknown; however, she could not dwell on that for the moment. Ranger Green was incompetent at fighting, and while she did not approve of him as a Ranger, she generally disliked her Rangers going into danger unless they absolutely had to.

The fact that this one was hopeless at fighting made things more urgent. She would have to find some anomaly, some quirk, to find him. Hopefully he was still on foot, which made the search radius much smaller. She started mentally reviewing his scans, trying to remember if there was anything she could use to isolate his signs.

Then she remembered a flare in his signature she'd seen. While every Ranger had showed it to a small extent, both he and Ranger Black had shown it to a much higher degree while their bodies adjusted to their morphers. Ranger Black because of the technology within him; Ranger Green, she presumed, because he was so ill-trained. She'd think about it later, when she didn't have a morpherless Ranger to retrieve.

Opening the communications channel to Ranger Black - who, if her readings were correct, was on the roof - she barely bothered to notice his response. "Ranger Green has left the premises."

"What?"

She wondered if he genuinely thought he'd miscomprehended her, or if the exclamation was one of disbelief. "He has left without his morpher or cell."

"Where is he?" Ranger Black asked. She heard noises in the background as he no doubt started moving. She didn't have time to check.

"I don't know. It is difficult to track Rangers when you are not wearing your morphers." She looked at the screen. From his tests, she thought it likely he was moving at an average of 4.83 kilometers per hour. She set the scan to that radius in hopes that he hadn't found some form of motorized transportation. "However, his morpher and cell are located within this facility." She presumed he had left both in the same place.

"I'll get them," Ranger Black said, closing the channel abruptly. She took no offense, knowing that Ranger Black would wait for her direction. Barely, but he would wait. If only because he expected her to give him a direction to move in.

She turned back to her screens, impatiently watching the computer attempt to track down Ranger Green's flare. It wouldn't last forever, though from her experience with Ranger Black's bonding, she knew that it wouldn't subside for a few more hours.

After a few minutes, she checked on Black's location. He was leaning on his car, arms crossed, waiting for his orders. "Ranger Black," she said, keeping an eye on the scan, "does Ranger Green usually have difficulties sleeping?" It was likely that he would have paid far more attention than she had to the matter, Ranger Green's sleeping habits prior to his bonding being of little importance to her.

"No." He was looking up at one of the monitor screens. "Ziggy always goes to sleep early. And he sleeps like the dead."

She was uncertain as to Ranger Black's definition of "early", but she suspected that he did not consider the current time as such. "Did you see him go to bed?" Maybe Ranger Black had noticed if his new teammate's sleeping patterns had changed, even if she'd moved the new Ranger into his own room.

"Not really." There was a frown in his voice. "You realize he's had a lot happen to him, though."

"Ranger Green's current issues are self-inflicted." He was the one who had chosen to bond, after all. "However, I will speak to him at a more convenient time about it."

"He had no choice in the matter," Ranger Black told her. The issue had come up in both his and Ranger Green's debriefings.

"I am aware of that. It doesn't make it less true. Nor does it explain why he has departed the building."

"You find him yet?" Ranger Black asked, apparently deciding that retrieving Ranger Green was more important than arguing with her.

She checked the scan. "Not yet." She tried to recall if Ranger Green had a driver's license.

Letting the scan run, she thought of her schedule the next day and how to fit in a talk with Ranger Green. While it would be easier to let Ranger Red talk to him as it was a disciplinary issue, it would likely be more useful to talk to Ranger Green herself and discern why he was acting as he was.

Finally, the scanner flashed a result. Ranger Green's signal was a mere 1.5 kilometers away, just outside a business park. She spent a minute or two more refining the coordinates before turning back to Ranger Black. "I'm feeding his coordinates to you."

"Right. Got it."

She watched him leave, getting in his car and driving off. Hopefully he'd find Ranger Green soon.

* * *

Dillon was thinking the same thing. He wasn't sure why Ziggy had left the building, but he intended to ask his friend about it. Doctor K's question about Ziggy's sleeping habits had worried him. Admittedly, he'd only known Ziggy for about two weeks, but Ziggy liked his beauty sleep. Plus, it seemed like Ziggy had few friends and many enemies out there; it didn't make sense to put himself at risk when he had a perfectly good Garage to pace around in, unless he was trying to avoid Doctor K.

Maybe it was because of Doctor K. Maybe Ziggy had chosen to leave because he didn't want to deal with the sarcastic scientist. He'd ask Ziggy when he found him.

The trace led him to a twenty-four hour cafe, and as he looked in, he could see Ziggy, sitting there with a woman, obviously chatting away over a meal. Dillon found his muscles untensing as he realized Ziggy was safe.

He made his way into the cafe, obviously surprising the woman but not Ziggy, who had caught sight of him on the way in. He didn't like the way his friend was cringing. "Dillon," Ziggy said finally. "Oh, hi. Meet Maria."

The girl looked like she wanted to ask for Dillon's autograph. He'd met a few people that were that way. Being a Ranger seemed to make you into some kind of local celebrity. Dillon hated it.

"These are yours," he said instead to Ziggy, handing him his morpher and cell. "Put them on." It would deflect some of her attention to Ziggy, who was the one who said he wanted that kind of attention. Besides, it was much safer.

"Ziggy, you're a Power Ranger?" the woman practically squealed, clasping her hands together, a grin on her face.

"Well, yeah. I did tell you I got a new job...."

"He'll make a really good Ranger, you'll see," Maria told Dillon. "We grew up together, and he was a really good guy." Her grin grew into an enormous smile. "He doesn't always make the greatest impression, you see, but he's really nice. You'll like him."

"I already do," Dillon said, looking over at his friend and wondering why she thought he didn't like Ziggy.

"You told me-" Maria turned to Ziggy.

"Well, it's the rest of 'em I have to convince." Ziggy gave her a smile. "But you've made me feel better about it."

She turned her smile on him, but said something that Dillon needed his enhanced hearing to understand. "Don't fuck this up, Ziggy, this is as legit as you can get."

"Try not to." He gave her a grin. Raising his voice, he said, "Guess Doctor K isn't happy?"

"Not really." He really wanted to talk to Ziggy, but not in front of the squeeing fangirl that was Ziggy's friend Maria. "Better box it up, he wants you to come back."

"Sorry, Maria, gotta go." Ziggy turned to his friend. He raised his hand to signal the waiter and dug out his wallet to give some money to Maria.

After that was completed, and Dillon was ready to haul him back to headquarters, Maria took Ziggy's arm. "Can I borrow him for a moment before you guys go?"

"Sure." Better to have Ziggy deal with her than him.

She dragged Ziggy off to one side, but he could hear them clearly. "Why are you so upset about being a Power Ranger? DO you know how many people would jump at this chance? And you're upset?"

"Have you ever known me to be able to fight?" Ziggy asked right back. "I'm a con man! I mean, I did keep the bad guys from getting this thing, but I wasn't supposed to bond with it. That's why they're not happy."

"Obviously they care enough to send someone off out," Maria offered. "Look, Ziggy, it's harder to be brave than to learn to fight. I'm sure they'll teach you."

"Yeah, if I survive long enough." There was a hysterical edge to Ziggy's laugh that Dillon didn't like. "And I walked off base without permission. Dillon's the only one who does like me."

"Then fix that. You're the one that's supposed to be good at charming people."

He made a face at her. "I'd better get back."

"Yeah. I've got to get back to work. Just keep in mind what I said!" She pushed him in Dillon's direction, and Dillon handed him the boxes.

"My car's down the way," Dillon said, looking at Ziggy. He trusted Ziggy would follow him, and his friend did, though Dillon did make sure that Ziggy buckled in, even for the short distance back to base. All in all, Ziggy hadn't really gone that far.

Ziggy seemed quiet as Dillon started the Fury. "So, why'd you go?" Dillon asked finally. It seemed eerie to have Ziggy not talk.

"As I told Doctor K, I couldn't sleep. Decided a walk would be a good thing." Ziggy gave him a brilliant smile.

"Without your morpher?" Dillon couldn't help but be a bit incredulous.

His friend shrugged at that. "Didn't want Doctor K yelling at me."

"You doofus," Dillon told him, shaking his head. "What if you'd encountered trouble?"

"I would've run," Ziggy replied brightly. "Dillon, I'm not stupid. I know what to do. Seriously, you think I didn't have some kind of plan?"

Dillon wondered what Doctor K would think of that, and was glad he wasn't the one that was going to be interrogated. Doctor K could be a pain in the ass.

Soon, they were back in the Garage, and Dillon slipped easily out of the car. Ziggy followed him a few seconds later. "I've returned," Ziggy said cheerfully to the nearest screen, holding the food boxes.

"Indeed." Doctor K's screen lit up. "If you were in need of assistance in falling asleep," he said, "You should have come to me instead of departing from the base without authorization. Furthermore, you departed without your morpher, rendering it difficult to locate you. What if there had been an emergency?"

"Um... I'd be in trouble?" Ziggy said, one hand reaching up behind his head.

Doctor K sighed. "In case it was not made clear to you during your orientation," he said, "You are now a Ranger and you will carry your morpher on you at all times when you are outside this facility. Considering your morpher straps to your wrist, I would have not thought that difficult."

"Hey, give me a break, I'm not used to carrying it. Anyway, I'm tired. I had a good walk."

"Your readings indicate-" Doctor K sighed. "We will discuss this in the morning, when you have had sufficient rest. Be aware, however, that if you do not reach unconsciousness soon, I will make sure that you do."

Dillon thought Ziggy paled a little at that. "I think I can go to sleep on my own, thanks."

And with that, he was dashing upstairs before Doctor K could say anything more.

* * *

Ziggy stripped down and headed for bed. He wasn't really ready to sleep, but he knew that if he didn't act the part, Doctor K would find some way to make sure he did. It wasn't too unlike how it had been at the orphanage - if you could fake sleep you could stay up as long as you liked. Heck, he was sure that kids that had parents had pulled that trick in their lives.

There were still too many thoughts racing about in his head to let him go to sleep. Not the least of which was how Doctor K and Dillon had found him. He'd been so careful, leaving the morpher where it could easily be found when he disappeared - well, died. He wasn't going to just disappear, he knew that he'd be an example and that his body would be found. Which would make it easier, in a way, for them. He'd be dead and there would be a new Ranger Green. Which would be someone Doctor K chose, this time. He knew he'd be nothing but a poor substitute.

Maria had been right when she'd said he'd fucked up his life. She'd been honest about it, and he'd had to agree. Who was he to be saving the world? Okay, maybe her attitude had changed a bit when she'd learned he was a Ranger, but she knew how things were. It had been clear to him the previous day that Scott, Summer, and Flynn knew that he was a bad choice too. Doctor K as well, but his definition of 'perfect' was probably a synonym for 'humanly impossible' so Ziggy wasn't bothered by his disapproval. He'd been disliked plenty of times before by his bosses, he could cope with that.

But he still wasn't a really good choice for the saving the world bit. And it wasn't like his would-be teammates didn't know that.

He knew his plan had been simple - leave, do his best to stay away from anywhere he could be found, and then go and find someone who wanted to kill him. Which really shouldn't be that hard. Obviously, he shouldn't have stopped at the cafe for a last meal. But then again, he had really underestimated Dillon and Doctor K. Maybe he'd find out in the morning how Doctor K had found him. In the meantime, he had to figure out how to repeat what he'd tried to do - he couldn't claim ignorance again about his morpher like he'd been able to that evening.

And his possibilities on-base were even slimmer. Plus, even though he knew the Rangers had to see all kinds of atrocities, he'd like to avoid traumatizing them at home, thanks. They had an important job to do and there was no way he wanted to mess things up, like he was doing now. While it wasn't hard to get enough cloth for rope or find a knife in this place, he knew that those deaths weren't something he'd inflict on the others. Same thing for meds, even if he could get his hands on Benny who could find someone who sold the good stuff and wouldn't kill him on the spot. And there was no way in hell that Doctor K would let him off on his own with a blaster. The doctor didn't trust him all that much.

Maybe he wasn't worth trusting.

"Ranger Green." He wasn't sure where Doctor K's voice was coming from. But long experience with parental figures made him keep his eyes closed. Doctor K was probably testing him to see if he was asleep.

He shifted just a tiny bit, though, as if he was subconsciously reacting to the voice.

"I am aware that you are awake, Ranger Green. You are aware that I can read your signs even when you are not wearing your morpher, as long as you are on base."

Shit. "Trying to get to sleep here, Doc. Could you not interrupt?" Maybe if he sounded sleepy and annoyed, Doctor K would withdraw.

"You are not as drowsy as you are acting," the voice sounded petulant. 

"Doc, we can discuss this in the morning, okay?" he'd figure out how to avoid the conversation later. "I need to sleep."

"On that, we can agree," Doctor K said. "Prepare for sedation."

"Wha?" Was Doc K seriously going to drug him? If he was capable of that, things were a lot more complicated than Ziggy ever thought. He was aware the air around him was starting to change. Or was that his imagination?

In any case, maybe he shouldn't fight it. He did need to sleep, after all. 

His head hit the pillow hard.


	2. Chapter 2

Fortunately, Ziggy was able to go through the morning mostly without incident. Yeah, he woke up late - much later than he usually did. He made his own breakfast, feeling odd that he wasn't preparing it for the entire team for once. He'd actually liked the fact that he was the one making sure the Rangers got fed.

And now he was a Ranger, and he still wasn't sure what to make of it. Not that he'd be one for long, if he had anything to do with it. He'd just have to learn what Doctor K had used to find him and figure out some way to get out of there without letting Doctor K know he'd left. Finding out when Doctor K slept might be a good thing, if Doctor K ever did sleep.

If Doctor K was always awake, then Ziggy had problems.

When Scott came up to him shortly after he finished breakfast, he inwardly sighed. He was expecting this lecture. It didn't really matter, because he wouldn't be a burden much longer. But it still wasn't going to be fun. "Doctor K says that you left the Garage last night."

"Yeah. I wasn't thinking real bright." It wouldn't be too hard to play a stupid airhead. He certainly felt like one. As long as Scott didn't think he'd gone out there to do anything more than clear his head. "It was a long day yesterday, y'know?"

Scott pinched his nose, a sure sign that he was really irritated and trying not to explode. "Ziggy..."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry. I won't do it again. I just forgot, okay? I'm not used to everything yet." It was like being in prison, in a way, though he wasn't going to mention that to Scott. "It was a mistake."

He'd do better next time. He'd actually get out of there when nobody was looking.

"Even after Doctor K told you not to leave?" Scott asked. He'd obviously heard Doctor K's side of the story.

"He said not to leave while he was talking to me. He didn't say anything about staying in here!" Technically, Doctor K had, he still remembered every word - okay, pretty much every word - that Doctor K had said. And he did say something about leaving without permission. But Doctor K was busy with Summer's training and he could hardly correct Ziggy at the moment.

"He meant don't leave the Garage. Look, as we told you yesterday, things have changed. You're no longer a civlian anymore."

"Yeah, got that now. Sorry." Definitely better to act sorry until Scott forgot. He would eventually. All of them would, even Dillon. At least he was a good enough actor to pull off the sorry act until everybody did. Then he'd make sure when he went out that he couldn't be found.

He would die, but that sucked less than his current situation.

And at least Scott was giving him practice in deflecting Doctor K's inquiries. Of course, Doctor K would remember he told Ziggy not to leave the Garage, but Ziggy was sure he'd be able to apologize his way out of that, too.

There might have been a sigh on Scott's end. But at least he realized that Ziggy was a poor excuse for a Ranger. "For the moment, you're restricted to base." Ziggy didn't see the difference, because he was pretty much restricted to the Garage anyway.

And he said as much. "Um, wasn't I anyway?"

"No, we stay here in case Venjix forces invade, that's why you normally have to ask permission to leave here so that Doctor K knows where you are. Right now, you're on restriction status - that means you won't get permission to leave unless we have to go out and fight."

"Oooh. So it's like I'm grounded." Let Scott assume that he'd been grounded a lot.

"Yeah, pretty much. That was stupid, Ziggy."

"I know that. Won't do it again." if he said it enough times, maybe Scott would believe him. And Doctor K. And the sooner he got off of being grounded, the better.

"That would be a good idea." Scott seemed to consider that the end of the matter and headed off. Probably had more pressing problems than Ziggy. Ziggy liked being a less pressing problem.

He watched Scott disappear and thought about what he knew. He still didn't know how Dillon and Doctor K had tracked him down, but he did know that Doctor K did have a line to his vitals no matter what in the place and he didn't want to be anywhere near the place when he died or they might save him. And he certainly wasn't going to let Venjix forces have a chance at the morpher, so he'd definitely have to leave without it. So, he'd have to try his plan again at a later point during the night after he stopped being grounded.

It was a plan.

* * *

Doctor K called her Ranger Green in shortly before his training time, about fifteen minutes before. She didn't know how long her discussion would take, but it needed to be done.

She was aware that Ranger Red had discussed the matter with Ranger Green, and from her replay of their discussion, that Ranger Green had forgotten about part of their conversation. That would be remedied. Obviously her newest Ranger had come with issues - not that Ranger Black hadn't - and she preferred to avoid repeating things with him.

"Sit down," she said, and he obeyed without question. "Now, I would like a proper explanation on why you disobeyed orders and departed the premises without permission last night."

She was aware he had a tendency to lie. She kept an eye on his vitals, as his heart rate would no doubt give her a clue as to his behavior.

He took a deep breath. "I needed to take a walk. And, um, I'm not quite used to this. 'Sides, Scott already grounded me."

She wondered if he thought that was in any way, shape, or form a complete explanation. She kept silent, hoping that he would offer more explanation.

"And... I'm sorry."

"While the apology is noted, I am looking for a detailed explanation on why you took the actions you did last night."

His heart rate was increasing, and other vitals indicated his body was gearing up in a flight-or-fight reaction. "I really, really needed to get away, okay? I felt closed in here and I didn't want to be a Ranger. So I knew that you probably wouldn't like it and I decided I needed to get out of here anyway for a few minutes and pretend I wasn't."

She had not thought of the possibility of a panic attack, for he had seemed too calm. She should probably check his readings for the time prior to departure. It did not excuse his actions, but it did explain them. Somewhat. If he was used to hiding his fear and panic, it could seem why he had been such a way when he left.

"So, you deliberately disobeyed orders." She'd have to send him to a doctor to see if he was prone towards panic attacks. If so, he was probably unmedicated for them. She'd make sure to schedule him for such medical testing in the near future.

Strangely enough, his heart rate slowed down at her statement. "Yes." It was as if he was expecting the whole thing. Doctor K noted that for further reference.

He had told Ranger Red that he had thought that her words meant to not leave while she was talking to him. Obviously, he had lied to Ranger Red as well. She wondered if it was to cover up a panic attack that he thought could be interpreted as a weakness. That would make the most sense. As a male human, he would no doubt desire to impress his peers by presenting a superior facade. It would also be an instinct to protect himself.

"Ranger Green," she said, "have you ever been diagnosed with a mood disorder?"

"Nope," he said cheerfully, and his heart rate jumped a tiny bit. "My mood's never disordered!"

She suspected that was an attempt at defensive humor. "You should probably be scheduled for such testing, then."

"Doc, I'm fine. I just disobeyed orders, that's all." For some reason, he seemed more willing to focus on his punishment rather than the possibility that he was ill.

"Regarding that... I am formally restricting you to base for a week, with the exception of any attacks that may come up, and any doctor visits I may decide are necessary."

His heart rate jumped up at that.

"You are aware that you have an obligation to make sure I am aware of all medical conditions that may affect your actions in battle?"

"Yeah, it's just... I'm fine."

She was disinclined to believe him. "We shall see. You will move to the training area so that we can commence your training."

* * *

Dillon watched as Ziggy wolfed down dinner. His friend - the only person he'd consider calling friend, really - had been acting off since the previous night, but he'd put it down to everything happening in the previous few hours, Ziggy's encounter with Tenaya Seven and bonding with his Morpher.

He had to admit that he really didn't know Ziggy all that well, but some of what had happened had seemed… off. Doctor K's question about Ziggy's sleeping habits, Ziggy's own words and expressions, and even the whole leaving without his morpher had all bothered him throughout the day. While he hadn't told Doctor K of his suspicions, they were eating at him.

Ziggy wasn't stupid. He liked to act it, but he wasn't. He was especially damn aware of his own vulnerability, and Dillon knew it made no sense for Ziggy to leave his morpher on the desk, no matter how much he didn't want to deal with Doctor K. Especially as neatly as he had. Ziggy was not a tidy person. Something didn't make any sense.

So, when Ziggy had finished dinner, Dillon pulled him aside. "We've got to talk."

"Hey, if it's about last night..."

Dillon didn't give Ziggy a chance to finish the sentence, because he'd probably try to weasel out of the talk. "We've got to talk," he repeated. "Now, would you prefer just talking to me, or me and the rest of the team?"

"What's this about?" Summer asked, apparently catching his last words. Why couldn't she have minded her own business?

"Nothing, nothing," Ziggy said, putting his hands up. "Just something left over from last night." He was edging away from both Dillon and Summer.

"When you walked out without your morpher?" Summer asked, looking from Dillon to Ziggy. Dillon knew from listening the others as he worked on his car that everyone knew what had gone on the previous night.

"Yeah," Ziggy admitted. "But everything's fine now! Really!" He was edging even more now.

"It's kind of between him and me." Dillon said, stepping forward a bit. He didn't want Ziggy to decide to hide someplace and not come out. Not when they really needed to talk.

"I think if he's walking out without his morpher," Flynn said, joining them, "It's something the whole team should talk about, shouldn't it?"

As Scott joined them, Dillon caught the back of Ziggy's shirt before his teammate could rush out of there.

"It's okay, really, fine!" Ziggy was waving his hands wildly. Dillon wasn't exactly thrilled either; he'd been hoping to talk to Ziggy alone, only using the threat of the others to get Ziggy to talk. "I was stupid, okay?"

Ziggy was still trying to get away, and Dillon suspected that's how he handled things he didn't want to talk about or deal with. Run away and hope that everyone got bored and dropped the subject, instead of dealing with the issue. He tightened his grasp on the back of Ziggy's shirt and hoped Ziggy didn't decide to slip out of it.

"What's going on?" Scott asked, looking at Dillon, then Ziggy, and back to Dillon.

"Nothing," Ziggy said, still waving his hands. "I'm just going to go to my room, okay? I mean, it's been a long day training and everything-"

"No, you're not," Dillon told him firmly. "You and I are going to have a talk." Maybe the others would catch the hint and leave them alone.

"I think it has to do with Ziggy walking out without his morpher last night," Summer told Scott.

"Aye, if Ziggy's putting himself in the path of trouble, maybe it's something we should fix early on," Flynn agreed.

"I'm really sorry, I won't do it again," Ziggy wailed, and he was definitely trying to lose the shirt.

"I can handle this," Dillon said firmly.

"No," Scott said, apparently making up his mind. "It affects the team. We'll all deal with this."

Damn. He didn't know if Ziggy would open up to them. After all, he hadn't wanted to be a Ranger, and with what had happened last night, he was looking for an avenue of escape.

As Ziggy continued to struggle, Dillon paused at his own thoughts.

An avenue of escape.

Ziggy hadn't wanted to be a Ranger. He'd left his morpher behind, trying to run away from yet another place that he didn't like. But he knew he didn't have a choice; the morpher was bonded permanently to him. Doctor K and the others had reminded him of that so many times the previous evening.

How did you run away from something that was part of yourself?

You didn't. And Ziggy knew that. Ziggy could no more run away from being a Ranger than Dillon or any of the others could.

So, what had Ziggy been doing that night, without his morpher? Was he trying to have a night free of Doctor K, of training and the obligations that went with being a Ranger?

Somehow, Dillon didn't think that was it, either. But the idea of Ziggy trying to somehow escape stayed in his mind.

"Maybe we should all sit down," Summer said. "The table's clear...."

"No, let's use the couches," Dillon said. If Ziggy sprinted, which he might do, it would be harder to catch him if they weren't sitting close to each other.

Scott must have picked up the same thing he did, because he nodded. "I go with the couches."

They all sat down on the couches, Dillon making sure that Ziggy didn't bolt. This wasn't ideal, but maybe one of the others could get Ziggy to say something. Maybe. Ziggy was very good at verbal squirming.

"So, Ziggy," Flynn said, leaning forward. "What's with this sudden impulse to take a walk in the middle of the night without a morpher?" His burr made it sound casual, and it looked like Flynn was trying to keep from intimidating Ziggy. Not that it seemed to be helping much.

"Um, well, I needed to take a walk. And I didn't want to have company, so...."

"Ziggy, you can't defend yourself!" Summer said. "I didn't say anything before, but what if you'd run across a set of Grinders? You'd have been defenseless!"

"Well, I do know how to duck," Ziggy offered. "I'd have been okay! Everything would have turned out all right."

Weirdly enough, Ziggy was relaxing a little. It was as if he knew that the others would lecture him about all of this, and he could deal with it. So, what had he been planning last night, and what had made him so nervous?

"Ziggy," Summer continued, "We could have lost you out there!" She looked like the mother of a child who had gotten lost. But Ziggy wasn't a kid, even if he couldn't defend himself.

"Um, I guess that could have happened," Ziggy said, scratching his head and relaxing more. "But, um, that would have meant a new Ranger Green, wouldn't it?"

"Ziggy," Summer said, as if she couldn't believe what she'd heard, "Don't joke about that!"

"Yeah!" Flinn added. "We might not have asked for you to be our Ranger Green, but you're it now."

Suddenly, something clicked within Dillon's head. When he'd run across Ziggy at the cafe, he'd been with a woman. A woman who was a Ranger fangirl. Someone that would have paid Ziggy the kind of attention he liked. But he hadn't told her about his status. In fact, he'd been honest about how he'd come into his power, hardly an impression that Dillon thought he'd like to make. Ziggy's words had been anything but boasting.

Scott was nodding. "We might not have asked for you, but we'll deal with it. But you have to think before you act."

But, as Dillon looked at Ziggy, he realized that Ziggy had thought before he acted. At least somewhat.

Ziggy didn't want to be a Ranger. But he'd bonded to the morpher to keep Tenaya Seven from getting at it, even knowing it was permanent. And he knew that he didn't have the skills to be a Ranger... or at least he didn't he didn't think so, from what Dillon had overheard. As the woman had said, it was harder to learn to be brave than to learn how to fight. And Ziggy, in his own way, had been very brave.

How do you break a bond only breakable by the Operator's death? You kill the Operator. Or, if you're the Operator, you figure out how to die. Ziggy had left his morpher behind for the new Operator, not to annoy Doctor K.

"You didn't intend to be found," he said flatly. He felt Ziggy tense again; it was exactly what he'd been planning, after all.

"Well...."

"You intended to die before the rest of us could find you." Ziggy was pulling away, and he knew he couldn't let that happen. Ziggy couldn't outrun them, but he probably knew how to close up on everyone. "You left the morpher here for your successor."

From Ziggy's look of panic, he knew it was exactly what he'd in mind.

"You weren't counting on Doctor K being able to find you."

At least Ziggy had stopped struggling, but it was the frozen fear of someone who felt they were in trouble and couldn't get away.

Summer looked horrified; Scott and Flynn were staring as if they couldn't believe their ears.  
"You're joking, right?" Flynn said after a moment. "You can't surely...."

"It's easier to learn how to fight than to learn to be brave," Dillon said to Ziggy, knowing he'd make the connection.

"Suicide's not being brave," Scott said, looking at Dillon, and over at Ziggy.

"Yeah, well," Ziggy said, scratching his head, "Um, I really thought it would be a good idea at the time to keep her from bonding with the morpher, and I knew it was permanent, but... um... I was joking about the suit and the chicks, really. I... I'm no hero. Never wanted to be. So, I kind of figured that you'd want someone who could do the job, so I, um...."

"You're telling us you went off to try to die because... you thought you were doing us a favor, man?" Flynn was still staring at Ziggy.

"Uh, yeah." Ziggy was looking around as if he expected his plan to make sense to people who weren't suicidal. Or him. "You didn't want me, anyway...."

The three veteran Rangers were looking at each other. Staring at each other, really.

"Ranger Red," Doctor K said, coming into the conversation, "Please put Ranger Green on suicide watch."

"But I'm not trying to kill myself now!" Ziggy squeaked. "You don't have to do anything, really. It's...."

"Ziggy," Summer said, "we can't trust you to be alone right now."

"Yeah," Flynn added. "You don't leave a suicidal person alone." He leaned forward.

"But I'm okay now!" Ziggy looked around, as if expecting to be tackled at any moment by the rest of the team. "Really."

Ziggy's plan had been to go off and die quietly, without interference.

"He's had plenty of opportunity since he got back," Dillon said.

Flynn peered at him. "You knew he wasn't in good shape last night," he said, staring at Dillon intently. Of course, he was part machine, and he knew that made it difficult sometimes for the others to trust him.

"I knew something was wrong. I didn't know what until a few minutes ago." That had to be an understatement. He'd never have figured out his friend was suicidal if he hadn't put the clues together.

"While Ranger Green is not acutely suicidal," Doctor K said, "I recommend he be put on close watch until he has a professional psychiatric evaluation. Unfortunately, he has proved that he is unable to communicate mental distress effectively, and I cannot risk his health or the team's. He should not be allowed to remove his morpher or participate in battle until we can be assured this issue is handled. Fortunately, I had already scheduled an appointment the day after tomorrow based on what I perceived to be a tendency towards panic attacks. I will attempt to get an earlier appointment based on recent revelations."

"'Acutely suicidal'?" Summer asked the screen.

"He is not currently attempting to commit suicide, Ranger Yellow."

"I think we'd stop him before he could," Flynn said, still half-ready to tackle Ziggy.

"Seriously, I'm not suicidal! At the moment, anyway." Ziggy was starting to ball up.

"You also told me that you did not have a mood disorder," Doctor K said. "You'll forgive all of us if you are not believable at the moment, especially as regards your health."

"And you wanted to talk to him alone," Scott said, glaring at Dillon.

Dillon eyed Ziggy. "Yeah." Maybe it hadn't been the greatest idea - Ziggy was freaked out - but even as Dillon still wasn't sure he liked the others all that much, he did trust them when it came to protecting Ziggy. Especially from himself. Dillon didn't like the idea of leaving Ziggy alone when Ziggy was perfectly capable of carrying out a suicide attempt while mostly convincing people he was just being stupid. Dillon didn't want to think of how Ziggy had nearly gotten away with it, if he hadn't pissed off Doctor K.

Not that pissing off Doctor K was hard, but Dillon was glad he had. For once.

"So, what's suicide watch?" Summer asked.

"Means that we remove anything he could kill himself with and watch him constantly," Flynn said.  
"Every few minutes," Scott corrected. They seemed unaware that Ziggy was sitting there and probably getting even more traumatized.

"I'm just going to watch over him now. Is that okay with everyone?" Dillon gritted his teeth. Ziggy might feel better if he wasn't in the middle of this group.

"As long as you do," Doctor K said, "While we formulate a plan that will handle Ranger Green's current state over the next thirty-six hours."

Ziggy seemed to cringe at this. Dillon pulled him up, and to his surprise, Ziggy seemed to be more than willing to move on his own two feet. "Come on, let's go to my room." Maybe Ziggy would talk there.

He waited until Ziggy was settled down on the bed before pulling his desk chair over. "How'd you know?" Ziggy asked, sounding like he was on the verge of tears.

"Your friend Maria. If you were feeling normal, you'd have told her you were a Ranger." Dillon didn't feel like mincing words.

There was that hysterical laugh again. "Maria? She'd never have believed me unless I had proof."

"Plus I know you wouldn't be stupid enough to leave without your morpher," Dillon said.

"You've got a good point, though I could have just been avoiding Doc K," Ziggy said.

"Not at the expense of putting yourself in danger." He wondered how he couldn't have put it together before. Of course, he was still getting his head around the fact that Ziggy had deliberately tried to die a few hours ago. He suspected that the others were the same way. "I know you too well."

"You've only known me for two weeks, maybe three," Ziggy pointed out.

"Still enough to know that you're not going to go out there without a morpher," Dillon told him. "Not if you're thinking clearly."

"Thing is," Ziggy said, "I was thinking clearly. I had a plan." He looked over at Dillon, and Dillon realized that Ziggy was regaining his composure. "I wasn't about to be a burden to the team."

"Yeah, well," Dillon said, wondering if Doctor K was monitoring the conversation. "You might be a burden at the moment, but you won't be forever." He shook his head. "Want to stay over in my room?"

"Better than watching Scott and the others take my room apart because they think I'm stupid enough to try to kill myself on a base with trained Rangers." There was a small, bitter smile on Ziggy's lips. "Everything's neatly packed up for them. I didn't even bother moving in."

A chill ran through Dillon. How had Ziggy planned something so deadly to himself in such a short time and in such a calm way? Did being suicidal leave one with a clear mind for planning one's own demise?

He wasn't sure he wanted to know.


	3. Chapter 3

There were a few moments of shared, stunned silence. It might have been a minute or more, Flynn wasn't sure. "So, anyone expect that?" he asked, more to hear his voice than anything else.

"No. How could he think..." Summer shook her head.

"That he wasn't wanted? That it was acceptable to kill himself? Dunno, Summer."

He just disn't get it, and as he looked at Summer's and Scott's faces, he realized that they were just as confused. He'd dealt with suicidal people, but his role had been to stop them and to make sure they got to hospital. He'd never dealt with someone who was just past being stopped, wasn't doing it at the moment, but could do it in the nebulous future.

"Either of you notice?" he was the only one with any kind of experience, likely.

Summer shook her head. "I would never have known."

"Yeah, he totally fooled me." Scott rubbed his temples. "He told me he'd forgotten his morpher and he didn't realize that he wasn't supposed to leave the building."

"I, too, classified his response as a juvenile attempt to rebel, at least until I talked to him before his training. After that conversation, I thought that he was suffering from a mood disorder that he did not desire to mention. However, I had erroneously thought it was a different disorder."

"Well, at least you had the right idea," Flynn told the screen. "Couldn't any of us have realized. He was acting pretty normal for him."

"Yes. I believe he was deliberately acting in a way that we expected in order to prevent us from realizing his intentions. He is most adept at lying."

"You mean he was deliberately acting stupid." Scott shook his head.

"Yes. He seems apt to say anything that will deflect our suspicions. However, now that we are all familiar with his motivations, I believe we will not be fooled again." Doctor K's tone was firm. "Also, the watch I have placed him under will likely curtail his ability to attempt anything detrimental to his health."

It took Flynn a moment to decipher that. "Yeah, we'll keep a good eye on him, all right. You said something about this being every couple of minutes?"

"I believe that some organizations prefer a constant watch," Doctor K said. "However, I believe that our military's procedures detail a different way of doing so."

"Right." Scott seemed to be searching his memory. "I think it has to do with maximizing resources. We have our own lives; we can't watch him constantly. But I think the idea is that if he knows he's being watched, he won't try anything, even if we don't watch him every moment."

"That makes sense," Summer said, though she looked like Flynn felt; he wanted to fix Ziggy's problem. "Now, how do we handle it until we get him to the doctor?"

"We could put him in hospital," Flynn said thoughtfully. That might be the safest place for him while they figured things out.

"Yes, but it might be better if he stays here," Summer argued. "I mean, he felt not wanted. How's he going to feel if we dump him in the hospital?"

Scott nodded. "He's part of this team, he's going to get used to that whether he likes it or not."

"It's a good idea," Summer said. "He feels not wanted? We're the ones that are going to make him realize that he is."

Flynn looked at his teammates and nodded back. It reminded him of his time in various public service duties, the idea of helping someone out. Yes, it would be easier to put Ziggy in hospital. But it might be healthier for Ziggy if he bonded with his team as surely as he was bonded with his morpher. It was obvious that Ziggy had enjoyed working with them when he was a civilian, making sure that the housework was done and such. Now they had to get him to translate that feeling into his duty of saving the world.

As well as not kill himself. That would be a good thing. "So, how do we set this up? Shifts?"

"Sounds good to me." Scott looked up at Doctor K's screen.

"Since I will be assisting in such surveillance in a backup capacity, I will temporarily relieve Ranger Black from his watch so that the four of you may coordinate schedules."

"Maybe he'll be able to give us some insight, too," Flynn said. Dillon did know Ziggy best, after all.

Doctor K didn't say anything, but after a minute or so, they heard a slight rumble, and then Dillon was coming down the stairs.

"So." Dillon folded his arms. "Doctor K said something about shifts." He looked like he'd rather be with Ziggy.

"Yeah. That, and got anything to contribute about what he was doing?" Scott was trying to get along with Dillon, something not easy for him.

Dillon dropped down to the couch, still crossing his arms. "Tried to go out and get himself killed by people who hated him," he said. "I told him he was a doofus."

Flynn had to wonder if saying that was a good idea, but said nothing. He was sure that Summer and Scott felt the same way. Then again, Ziggy probably didn't take what Dillon said as offensive.

Scott shook his head. "Did he say anything else?"

"Not really, but I think he was planning this ever since the meeting last night. He figured it would be easier for all of us if we didn't have to pack his stuff is what he told me."

"Damnit." Scott glared at the floor.

"Yeah, he very carefully planned this last night. He just didn't expect Doctor K to get pissy at him and track him down. He said that he could plan for almost anything because he didn't have anything to worry about after he died."

"So he put all of his energy into trying to make sure we didn't stop him?" Scott asked. At Dillon's nod, he added. "Damn."

"Ziggy's not stupid. I don't know how he didn't realize that he could ask for help, but he nearly succeeded in what he tried to do."

"Dillon," Summer said, "Do you think he could try again?"

It was a simple question. It was probably not a simple answer, especially for Dillon, who didn't do people. But their teammate surprised them with his answer. "Probably. He's not going to try what he tried again, but I know that he was only half there when I was talking to him. I don't trust him much right now."

"Don't think most of us do, right now." Flynn looked over at Dillon, wishing he could do something to fix Ziggy and soothe Dillon.

"I wouldn't let him outside." Dillon was staring at some vague part of the floor. "In here, he knows that he can't get away with it."

Outside was too many ways to get away. Dillon didn't need to say it for all of them to know what he meant. Inside, he could get his head together while they made sure he didn't take a knife to himself.

"Probably the best thing to do is to let him ease into it," Flynn said. "Be with us and used to things as a teammate. Anything else?"

"Not that I can think of," Scott said.

"He doesn't understand why everybody's so upset," Dillon told them. "Me, yes. The rest of you, no."

Ziggy didn't understand? Flynn nearly laughed. Well, he was going to find out shortly that he had teammates that cared, even if he had to learn the hard way.

"He's going to," Scott stated with confidence.

* * *

Ziggy drew his knees up and wrapped his arms around them. Dillon's bed was comfortable, smelled of Dillon, and he needed that right now.

He needed to focus. If he was to get out of there - which was the only viable way to do it now - he would have to fool the others into thinking he was totally normal. Or as normal as he could be. Which meant making them relax and stop worrying quite so much. He got that they were the kind of folks that really did not get ending one's life for the greater good, but really, things would be better for all of them if he was dead.

But for the moment, he'd have to put up with them being concerned and pulling this 'suicide watch' thing. Whatever that meant. He had the impression he would be watched until they were sure he wasn't going to kill himself, or at least when he convinced them he wasn't going to kill himself.

And in the meantime, he had to not go crazy while he had four Rangers and an anal-retentive scientist keeping an extra-close watch on him. Which meant figuring out what the boundaries were and how to get around them.

Ziggy wasn't the smartest person in the world, but he was pretty good at figuring some things out.

"Hey, Doc." He looked up at the ceiling. He couldn't see Doctor K's cameras, but that didn't mean they weren't there.

For once, Doctor K didn't see fit to correct him. "Yes, Ranger Operator Series Green?" He wasn't sure if that was Doctor K being Doctor K, or a subtle reminder of what he was.

"What exactly is suicide watch?" Doctor K loved hearing the sound of his own voice. Ziggy figured he might as well take advantage of that.

He was, as Maria had said in the cafe, a "fuck-up." This, he would get right.

It hadn't been so bad in the cafe, though. Maria had been honest and he probably would have taken advantage of her help if he'd been able to. But it wasn't like he could ask her to kill him - she was overbearing sometimes, but fairly nice, and not a killer. Unless she'd been replaced with an attackbot. But he doubted it.

So he'd at least gotten her to talk a little about her job and her coworkers, under the pretense that it would help him with his. "Angie doesn't know what in the heck she's doing!" Maria had confided in him. "It's like the woman's never worked a day in her life! Rob would forget his head if it wasn't attached to him. Naoko's dad is the sweetest guy ever and it's too bad I'm married!"

Ziggy had wished his life was that normal. It would have been so much easier than trying to figure out how the hell to die without interference.

Dr. K's words intruded on his thoughts. "It is very simple," he said, as if speaking to a child. "You will be checked upon at random time periods to make sure you are not attempting to injure yourself, fatally or otherwise. The other Rangers will be performing visual checks and I will be calling you in for scanning as long as needed."

"Random. TIme. Periods." He didn't like the sound of that at all. Not that he was in a position to argue. It could be far worse. "You guys couldn't check me into a hospital or something?" He could pull off things so much easier around people who didn't know him.

"Your teammates considered this. It was considered a much better idea to detain you here where you may properly spend time with them."

Detain. He'd traded one prison for another. Jail for confinement by well-meaning Rangers. And even after he came off of Watch he couldn't leave the Garage without permission. It wasn't much better.

"Seriously?" he asked. He supposed they felt guilty and wanted to be nice to the poor sick person.

"You are part of this team, Ranger Operator Series Green. That necessitates being able to work with the others in order to perform your duties as a Ranger."

Lovely. Not only did they want to be nice, they were going to force him to be part of the team whether he wanted it or not. Dillon had frequently complained about it when Ziggy was sharing his room - now Ziggy was going to experience it first hand. He wasn't looking forward to it.

On the other hand, he was the unwanted one, so might as well put that to his advantage.Be quiet enough, and they might forget he was there. If that didn't work, he'd figure out something else.

He wasn't bad at planning, after all.

"Ranger Green," Doctor K said, "Why did you not inform me that you were suffering extreme depression and were considering self-harm?"

Ziggy could have laughed. "Seriously, Doc? You were expecting me to tell you that I was going to kill myself?" He ran his hand through his hair.

"Yes, in fact. As a Ranger, you are required to tell me of all ailments and injuries." Doctor K seemed to have no clue.

"Doc," Ziggy said, "I know some people do mention that kind of thing to their doctors, but usually their doctors don't have stun guns and other weaponry, as well as control of the door locks." And weren't capable of waking up four different people to pile on him. All of which were in better shape than he was. It sucked living in a building with Rangers, sometimes. "Seriously, you think I was going to tell you when you were likely to stop me?"

"Ranger Green, you are most assuredly needed." The voice sighed. "While you may not appreciate that, it makes it no less true. And while you do require a large amount of training, you are still a Ranger. I believe that the lack of training is fixable. A dead body is not."

Telling Doctor K that he and the others were making a mistake was not a good idea unless he wanted to make them watch him more. He wasn't stupid.

"Thanks, Doc K." If he was going to start throwing people off, he might as well start on that. Make plans while they weren't looking, too.

*  *  *

Flynn was doing a planning of a different sort. "So, probably I'll leave the bottom sheet and the comforter," he told the others. "Can't get into trouble with those. And one pillow is probably okay, too." He looked over at Dillon. "We'll set it up just in case he wants to sleep in his own bed tonight."

"I doubt it," Dillon said. "I think he wants to stay in mine tonight."

"Well, if it's only for one night, that's not too bad." Ziggy probably had a lot of healing to do, after all. Probably wasn't healthy to let him keep crashing in Dillon's room forever, but he'd been through a lot. If he felt comfortable in Dillon's room for the evening, they could start with that and then get him to stay in his own after that.

"I'll talk to him about that. He's more willing to talk to me at the moment." Dillon raised his eyebrows in Scott's direction, and Scott raised his right back. Flynn hoped they wouldn't lock horns over Ziggy, not when the lad needed them to present a united front.

"Just don't hog him," Summer said, and there was a hint of humor in her tone.

"I won't," Dillon promised. "As much as I don't like this whole thing, Ziggy needs people more than I do."

Flynn thought of how Dillon had tried to talk to Ziggy alone, and was glad they'd interfered. It might not have occured to Dillon to tell the rest of the team that Ziggy had some major mental health issues going on. He tried to think of his training, on how to reassure suicidal folks that their lives were worth living. He'd have to brush up on the issue - he was the ex-police guy, after all.

In the meantime, Ziggy did need his team around him. Before the revelation, Flynn figured that Ziggy would find his place in the team just like Flynn and the others had. Apparently, Ziggy'd had other plans. The doc could get Ziggy's issues on the way to being fixed, and their job was getting him settled into the idea of having a team.

He never thought he'd be teaching someone to rely on and be there for others. Said something about Ziggy's life, that did.

"Doctor K," he said, "Ziggy still up there in Dillon's room?" He hadn't heard anybody moving, but Ziggy could be a crafty lad when it came to such things.

"Yes," Doctor K said after a moment. "We were having a discussion as to why he did not report his suicidal intentions to me."

Flynn could only guess how that was going. Doctor K was very good at what he did, but he could be a bit... blunt and literal. Probably not the best person to be having a conversation with a suicidal guy.

"Did he say anything useful?" Scott asked. Flynn could see how Scott's mind was working; figure out what was going on and use it to make his team work. Scott might not be keen on Ziggy being a teammate - to be honest, none of them were - but he knew none of them had a choice in the matter. Best to get him up and running as a Ranger as best they could.

"He seemed surprised that I expected him to tell me if he was suicidal and explained his lack of doing so because he did not want me to stop him." Doctor K seemed surprised himself; Flynn wasn't. He'd hauled one or two people off from where they were trying to kill themselves. Some people bothered to tell others, some didn't, he remembered.

Scott was pinching his nose again.

Flynn stepped forward. "Well, some people are kind of bad at that. Thing to do now is let him get his head together. I'll get started on his bed and things - lemme know if he decides he wants to sleep in his own bed, Dillon, will you?"

There was sort of a grunt and a nod. "I'm going to head back up too," Dillon said. "Anything else?"

Summer and Scott shook their heads. Flynn shook his too.

Wordlessly, Flynn and Dillon headed upstairs.

* * *

Ziggy sat quietly as he waited for Dillon to come back. All-in-all, he wasn't sure how he'd survive the whole suicide watch thing without really going crazy, but he'd have to do it somehow if he wanted to finish things off.

If there was any chance of him getting through this, he'd have to apply every bit of skill he used for conning people to con his so-called teammates. And he had to not think of them as his teammates, because that way lead towards becoming a Ranger, and he couldn't do that.

Or could he? Could he make the best of this and become a Ranger, even if it killed him? Dillon had a point, after all. If he hadn't been trying to die, he would have been bragging to Maria. He would have been making a big thing of being a Ranger. And as much as Doctor K and the others loathed him as a Ranger, he could well believe that they'd train him, at least so that he'd stay out of their way and not cause too much trouble. He could do with that.

It made a good plan B, he decided. If conning them failed, then he'd have to try his best to be what they wanted him to be. But only after it failed.

Dillon opened the door. Ziggy never thought he'd be so happy to see him. It was the whole 'not-listening-to-authority' thing that Dillon had going. If he did anything, it would be less restrictive than anything else the others thought of.

"So?" Ziggy asked.

"I'm watching you overnight. Want to stay in my room, or yours?"

Nice of them to give him a choice. Sort of. He'd be watched, but he had the choice to stay with Dillon for as long as he'd be allowed, or stay in his own room. Dillon's was comfortable, and he slept in it more than Dillon did, but he wasn't sure if that was a good idea that night. Staying with Dillon made it harder to leave; as it was, he'd had trouble leaving the morpher behind last night.

Staying alone in his old room would make it easier to not form bonds, and it might look good with the others - the possibility that he was accepting his power and his new life. Of course, he was sure that his room would be stripped bare of anything the others thought that he might use to kill himself - as if he was stupid enough to do so around people who could stop him with little effort.

"I think... I should stay in mine. But I'm gonna wait until whoever-it-is finishes taking it apart first, if that's okay with you."

"Flynn," Dillon said, and Ziggy winced.

"Is there going to be a room for me to sleep in?" he asked.

"Yeah, I think he'd calmed down," Dillon said. "Somewhat. I don't blame him for being worried, though."

He felt kind of bad about Dillon worrying about him, but it was better that Dillon didn't have to worry about him getting killed by Venjix forces. That would be kind of bad. The others? Well, they'd do this for anybody, he was just the one that was getting the focus of their attention.

"Sorry for worrying you," he said. "I really thought it was a good idea at the time."

"And you probably still do," Dillon replied, causing Ziggy to freeze. "Ziggy...."

"You don't trust me, do you?" Ziggy said, trying to salvage the situation. Human instinct was to deny unpleasant truths, and the best thing Ziggy could do was to get Dillon off that train of thought before he put everything together and Ziggy found himself in a much worse situation.

"Not really, no." Dillon's response was blunt, but then again, he was sometimes immune to Ziggy's charms. "Not right now."

"Great." Maybe he'd be lucky and Dillon would keep his suspicions to himself. He'd hate to think what the others would do if they still thought he was suicidal. Well, they probably still did, and the whole idea was to get them off the idea.

But Dillon confirming it to them? He didn't want to think what would happen. Flynn McAllistair was a nice guy, but he took his duties seriously, and he'd been a police officer. A very over-enthusiastic one.

"Yeah, well, you're the one who did it." Dillon's tone wasn't without compassion, but he was to-the-point.

And accurate. Ziggy had tried, and he'd try again, but at the moment he wasn't trying anything. It would be stupid to do that. Or anything that wasn't something he was told to do. He'd handled jail, he could handle suicide watch.

"Maybe." His mind ran through what was needed to survive in prison, and he realized it came down to being deferential, not making a fuss, and staying out of fights.

If he treated the others as prison bosses, he might be able to get through this. He could toady like nobody's business. If he suggested things they might like to do they'd be caught up in their own egos and forget about him.

What exactly that might be he'd figure out later, when he was alone. Or as alone as they'd allow him to be. Maybe he should just leave the door open so he wasn't reminded that people were checking on him. It could be worse - at least he wasn't trapped in a cell and he could wander the place as long as he went nowhere near an outside door or anything that could be considered a weapon.. And if he thought of the morpher as a tracker anklet of sorts, then he could get through the whole thing faster.

"So, how long are you on shift?" he asked, as he might ask a particularly sympathetic jailer.

"Scott takes over at seven," Dillon said.

Dillon was taking a long shift. Ziggy could live with that. In a way. He'd rather have Dillon than anybody else.

He curled up. "Let me know when Flynn's through," he said. Maybe if he looked away he could pretend there was nothing wrong.

* * *

Summer walked upstairs to where Flynn was working, dropping a box of what looked like clothes in his room. They were Ziggy's, from the look of it. "That's the last of his boxes," Flynn said. "Not very much, is it?"

Two boxes of clothes, two smaller boxes of things. Ziggy didn't own much. "No. Are you okay?"

Flynn shook his head. "I can't help but think of how close we were to going through his things." He didn't have to say more. Summer could fill in the blanks for him; she was sure anybody there could. "They were all packed up, except one or two things. Didn't have to pack more than that. I still have to pull out his hamper, but I'll do that shortly."

She could only nod.

"Then I'll start setting up his bed. In case he wants to use it. Maybe we'll get lucky, he'll sleep instead of...."

He didn't finish that sentence either.

Summer looked at his bed, the blue comforter. Each of them had a comforter that corresponded to their Ranger color; she was sure that Ziggy's was green. "Maybe we should leave his bed the way it is." They had to tread a fine line between keeping him safe and making him feel unwanted. After all, it was the whole being unwanted thing that had led him to his actions in the first place.

"Why's that?" Flynn asked.

"It's a first sign of trust. That he is wanted. Maybe if he realizes that he is, then...."

Flynn silently looked at his own bed for the moment. "I guess so. I'd rather he be safe, but you're right. If we're going to get him into the right mindset, it'll have to start somewhere. Maybe with his own space."

"Dillon wouldn't let him get away with anything." Dillon was not as expressive as the rest of them, but it was clear to her that the whole thing had hit him harder and he was having a tough time processing it. "And neither will we. But in the meantime, he still needs his dignity."

If he was going to feel like a wanted member of the team, maybe they had to start small.

"That's why you had Scott take the morning shift," Flynn said, and there was a twinkle in his eye and a hint of a smile. "Didn't want to walk in on naked Ziggy, eh?"

"Not really," she had to admit. She would have hated walking in on him either dressing or undressing, which was why she had the afternoon shift.

Besides, it was an opportunity to bond with him over lunch. She didn't plan on how she was going to spend the time, but she fully intended to include Ziggy in it no matter what.

"Wonder how long it's going to take him to realize he has a team," Flynn said conversationally.

"I don't know, but he really doesn't have a choice." Summer watched as Dillon walked out of the room, mostly closing the door behind him. She waved at him, and he came their way. "How's he doing?"

"He's curled up on my bed. I thought I might find him some music out of his stuff."

"In my room," Flynn said. "You're welcome to look." Flynn moved a bit, to allow Dillon to step into his room.

"Where's Scott?" Dillon asked, as he picked up one of Ziggy's boxes and started digging through it.

"Downstairs," Summer said. "He was going to talk to Doctor K."

"We have finished conversing on the issue." Doctor K's voice came out of a hidden speaker. "I believe he is continuing to search for procedures regarding this matter. In the meantime, it appears that it would be helpful for all of us to listen to him, boost his self-esteem, and help him develop steps to take should he consider taking his own life again."

"Oh, I've heard of those," Flynn said. "Let me work on that bit. Maybe by that point, he'll be bit more receptive."

Dillon made a face, but didn't stop searching through Ziggy's stuff. Summer had no doubt a lot of the information was aimed at Dillon.

"I would suggest calming music, Ranger Black," Doctor K said. "He started to cry after you left; I believe he will need fluids in a while, though he may have to be woken up for that as he is in the right pattern to start falling asleep, which will no doubt help him as well. I also suggest that you retrieve his blanket and comforter as they will assist his connection to his power."

"Kind of wondered why we all had bedsheets and stuff in our color," Flynn said.

"Indeed. Part of Ranger Green's problem is that he is not allowing a complete connection to occur between himself and his power. Surrounding himself with the color while he is in this state may help him regain some emotional stability. He will also need clothing of the correct color as soon as possible.

"I'll fetch the blankets," Flynn decided. "Summer, want to help? We'll leave 'em outside the door for when you're ready, Dillon."

Dillon had picked up a CD. "Yeah, and I'll pick up some apple juice," he said.

"Oh, yeah, he likes apple juice," Flynn said. "I'll remember that tomorrow when I make breakfast for him. Help him feel like he's not the only one responsible for things."

It was a first step, Summer knew, as she moved towards Ziggy's room. Maybe things would get better.

They just all had to try.


	4. Chapter 4

"Ranger Green," Doctor K said through the morpher, "Are you aware that the roof is forbidden to you in your current condition?"

Translated from Doctor K-speak, that meant "Get your ass off the roof now, because you're not supposed to be up there when you're suicidal."

"Not suicidal right now, Doc." He deliberately used the term because he knew Doctor K hated it. It might deflect his boss off the fact that he had in fact been contemplating jumping off the roof. He'd only held off because he really didn't think that he'd be able to die before someone could reach him.

"Your readings would indicate otherwise, Ranger Green." Doctor K's voice was relatively calm, but there was something in it that promised pain. "I would suggest not disobeying orders, especially medical ones."

He looked at the sunrise. It was an artificial one, programmed just like the weather was. But it was still pretty, he had to hand it to the programmers for covering up the fact that Corinth was the only city left.

"Okay, okay. Going back down now." He wasn't going to tempt fate further.

"No. I've notified Ranger Black of your location. You will remain where you are until he retrieves you."

Ziggy desperately wanted to tell the voice that this wasn't a military operation, but common sense kept him from saying anything. He'd rather deal with Dillon than Doctor K anyway.

"You know, somehow I don't think you're supposed to be up here." Dillon had left him alone, but Dillon was a loner himself, and he didn't hold to everything Dr. K or Scott said.

"Yeah, so Doctor K just told me." He hoped he could downplay the whole suicidal thing. Maybe Doctor K didn't tell Dillon about the fact that he had some alarming readings or whatever. It would make Dillon more comfortable with leaving him alone.

That being said, Ziggy had to admit that it probably wasn't the best idea to leave him alone; he had spent a good minute or two wondering if a fall from the roof would kill him, at least fast enough so that nobody could rescue him. And realizing that it wouldn't work.

For people who had been pissed off that he, Ziggy Grover, was now Ranger Green, they certainly had been shocked that he'd chosen to die. Flynn, in particular, looked like he wanted Ziggy tied up and away from danger. At least at first - it sounded like he'd calmed down, but still.

Ziggy was pretty good at keeping himself out of danger, actually. And it wasn't like his reasoning hadn't been sound when it came to killing himself; he refused to be miserable in a job that was pretty much 24/7. For that matter, a job he couldn't quit. Why had he even decided to try morphing, anyway? It was like when he'd put it on his wrist, it had made sense to pull the handle, even though he'd half-figured that he wasn't a suitable candidate.

"Still wasn't the world's greatest idea. You should have told me where you were going."

Ziggy shrugged. "I didn't want you to stop me. Or worry. I just wanted to see the sunrise." That part was true, he thought, as Dillon sat down next to him.

"Yeah, well, this is as close as you're going to get," Dillon said. "Scott tells me that he's taking over in half an hour, and I don't think you want him to find you here."

"Um. No." He wasn't sure how Scott would react to finding him up there, but he was sure that wouldn't be pretty, even if Doctor K didn't say anything. "You know, someone in this place must be into really interesting stuff. I ran across a pair of manacles the other day…."

"I don't want to know." Dillon cut his rambling off, but then again, Dillon's tolerance for such things fluctuated sometimes.

"In any case, maybe I should go downstairs. Before Scott notices." He wasn't sure why the others were reacting like they were, but he wanted to have some dignity in this whole thing while someone else managed to convince the Rangers he was all right.

"Good idea," Dillon said, and Ziggy scampered up, heading downstairs.

***

Ziggy walked downstairs from the roof, his feet becoming a bit heavier with every step. He didn't want Scott to catch him up on the roof, but he didn't really want to face the rest of his Ranger "team" either. He didn't mind just hanging around and lazing - like everybody, he appreciated the day off - but with his reputation as bad as it was, it wasn't the impression he wanted to give his new co-workers - well, teammates, really, must think teammates if he was to fool them and get another chance.

He passed the area where his room was, deciding whether to spend some quiet time inside while he was still on Dillon's "watch". There wasn't anything in there, really, besides his bed at the moment. He'd woken up that morning and gone to his room only to find all his belongings gone and today's clothes on the desk, someone's reminder that he wasn't to be trusted with much of anything at the moment. At least somebody had left the bed intact - he wondered if they'd forgotten or if it had been deliberate. He'd have to ask Flynn later. Or maybe Summer. Summer was the better choice.

But he decided he didn't want to be dragged out of there, either, so he went to see what was for breakfast. Breakfast could range anything from someone deciding to cook to fend for oneself, so he was rather hoping he'd be able to make his own breakfast.

"Good morning, Ziggy," Flynn said cheerfully. "Got your breakfast for you. Thought I'd make you something, for once."

Okay, this was obviously not one of those mornings. He was presented with a bowl of what looked like oatmeal, orange juice, banana slices, and a muffin that had, oddly enough, been sliced up. Flynn wasn't taking any chances, apparently.

Then again, this had been the guy who had looked ready to tackle him when he'd learned that Ziggy had contemplated suicide, so he supposed that having a cut-up muffin was a small price to pay. "Thanks," he said, figuring that arguing would not be a good idea at the moment.

"You okay?" Flynn asked, peering at him. "You aren't...."

"I'm fine," Ziggy said, forcing a smile. Did a quick flash that morning count? "I... just wasn't thinking straight. I'm fine now."

"I'd rather the doctors say that," Flynn told him. "Check you over, make sure you're okay. Morning, Scott!"

Scott, their - his - team leader, settled down next to Ziggy. "Morning, Flynn," Scott said, looking at Ziggy's breakfast. "Did you make breakfast for everyone, or...."

"I figured since I was making it for Ziggy, might make it for everyone," Flynn told him. "Oatmeal's easy in bulk."

The whole "making things for Ziggy" aspect might have been a lot more flattering if he didn't feel like he was being treated like an invalid. He was starting to really resent his morpher and his own choice to put it on. He really should have run instead of activating the thing. But here he was, a Ranger. Permanently. Even if he died, he'd still have been a Ranger.

What confused him was the fact that they'd objected so hard to what he was planning to do. Wouldn't it still be better if they had a new Ranger Green? Someone who could fight? Instead, they'd been horrified and treating him like he was made of tissue paper. Of course, some of that could be just people didn't do well when confronted with someone wanting to kill themselves.

That made more sense than them accepting him.

He watched as Flynn handed Scott a bowl of oatmeal. How nice it would have been for him if he'd been halfway competent! Maybe if he hadn't been Dillon's incompetent, annoying friend, they'd accepted him more. Actually, they'd accepted him a little before the morpher had happened, but being Dillon's friend was a lot different than having them trust him to be able to hold his own.

"So, um." He thought the words would come out a whole lot smoother than that. "Dillon tells me I'm sticking around you this morning."

"Yeah, you could say that," Scott said. Was that annoyance at having to babysit Ziggy? Ziggy wasn't sure. Maybe Doctor K had said something. "Dr. K's working on getting you an earlier appointment, and until then…."

"We'll be keeping watch on you," Flynn helpfully finished.

"Thanks. But yeah, can't trust you to be alone."

"I wasn't thinking straight, that's all." It was probably useless to tell Scott that, but he wanted them to relax. Maybe a little. It would help him a lot, even if he had to abandon Plan A for Plan B.

"I get that, but we still need to have you checked out. A suicide attempt is a suicide attempt."

"Believe it or not," Flynn said, putting a hand on his arm, "We know you weren't our ideal candidate, Ziggy. You know what? It doesn't matter."

Ziggy remembered Flynn's expression when Dillon revealed him as Ranger Green and seriously doubted that.

"You're part of this team." Scott folded his arms. "Being a team means being here for each other. We might be training your ass off for the next few weeks, but we're here for you if you need us."

"Yeah, I'm good at running and ducking, but not the other parts." It wasn't like he wasn't telling Scott and Flynn anything they didn't know. "And… I don't want to spend today sitting around." It was what they wanted to hear. He didn't mind training if it made them relax their guards. "I want to spend today training. It would make me feel better! Really!"

Flynn looked at Scott. Scott looked at Flynn. "What'cha think, Scott?" Flynn asked. "We'll have some things to take care of this afternoon, but…."

"I always feel better after a good session," Scott said. "And I was planning to get a workout in anyway." He began to smile. "You're on."

"You don't mind? You don't mind!" Ziggy widened his eyes dramatically. It always worked on people who wanted to be thought of as important. "Er, I mean, of course you'd-"

"Ziggy," Flynn said, "If that's what you really want, we'd be happy to kick your butt into shape for the next few hours."

He couldn't really say that he wanted to spend the next few hours training, but what the heck. It gave them something to focus upon besides what he'd tried to do, and well, if he had to be part of the team, go to Plan B, it would be nice if he could actually fight.

And since they seemed to have really violent objections to his way of getting them a new Ranger Green… he was going to have to learn to work with them. For the moment.

"Well, of course. I'm going to be part of this team, after all." He was good at parroting things back to people so they heard what they wanted to hear. It had saved him multiple times.

He was going to be really sore, but if it kept them happy, it kept them happy. And maybe he'd get out of what Flynn wanted to do.

"First, you've gotta eat your breakfast," Flynn said, indicating the breakfast Ziggy hadn't started on yet. "You won't have the energy if you don't."

"Um, yeah. Right." He dug into his breakfast. He still wasn't thrilled about the cut-up muffins, but he ate them and the rest of the food obediently.

"Flynn," he heard Scott saying as he ate, "Don't you think the muffins are going a bit too far?"

"Didn't want to take any risks, man," Flynn responded, and Ziggy could practically hear the shrug. Well, at least he wasn't the only one that thought they were a bit too much.

"Even if he did have a knife, he'd have one of us nearby," Scott said. "You'd be able to stop him if he did something stupid."

"Ah, well, I'll keep that in mind," Flynn replied, and Ziggy held out hope that the whole thing might be over soon. "What do we do if Venjix attacks?"

"Dr. K says he's got that handled. Something about remote delivery of a sedative." Ziggy shivered and hoped that Venjix wouldn't attack, because he so did not want to end up sedated. Visions of knockout gas came to mind unbidden, but he wasn't beyond thinking that Dr. K would use something more sadistic.

"Well, hopefully we won't need that," Flynn said.

"I kind of hope that too," Ziggy said. "Knockout gas makes me nervous, you know?"

"I assure you, Ranger Green, there are other methods of inducing sedatives into the human body other than flooding the area with potentially long-lasting drug effects," Dr. K interrupted, and Ziggy was sure at that point that yes, Doc K was feeling sadistic.

Scott gave the screen a brief nod, and turned to Ziggy. "When you finish breakfast, we'll go to the training room and start working out."

"Morning, guys." Ziggy looked up to see Summer joining them. "I sent Dillon to bed and… is that oatmeal, Flynn?"

"Yes, it is," Flynn said. "Want some?"

"Sure," Summer said cheerfully. She settled down at the bar. "How are you feeling this morning, Ziggy?"

"Better than everyone thinks I am, really," Ziggy said, raising his hands in emphasis.

"Looks like we're going to be spending the day teaching Ziggy to fight," Flynn said. "He's said he wants the practice. Well, he and I are going to the store, too, but I'm sure we can get some training time in."

Summer looked a little disappointed, but quickly regained her smile. "Well, if that's what Ziggy wants to do today, I don't mind. We'll break for lunch and chat, too."

So, apparently, in the middle of getting his butt kicked in the name of not being the team idiot, he was going to talk about his feelings, too. Great. He'd just have to allay things as much as possible.  
He finished his breakfast as fast as he could.

Training under Scott, he had to admit, wasn't too bad. Scott might have been pissed that Ziggy got the Green Morpher, but hey, at least he was used to new recruits, obviously. He'd gone through stretching exercises and told Ziggy he should do them every day if possible, as well as the basics of hand-to-hand fighting, and at least blocking attacks. Stuff Ziggy didn't know.

Of course, he really didn't like feeling clumsy as Scott blocked all of his attacks, but Scott was trained military, and him? He'd gotten out of everything with words and smiles that wouldn't work on Grinders or Attackbots. No wonder the others had been pissed off.

He still wasn't sure about the sudden "Ziggy, you're our teammate" thing, but hey, it wasn't like he could change jobs. The morpher's bond to his DNA ensured that only he could activate it, which meant that he had no choice. He was going to help save the world, or die.

"How are you feeling?" Scott asked, as they were taking a break.

"Well, I don't really feel like taking on a pack of Grinders right now," Ziggy said, "But I'm okay. Really." The exercise was making him feel better, and the idea that he might even be able to hold his own someday in fights was actually lifting his mood. He still felt like they could do better and it would be easier if he was out of the way, but, well, apparently that wasn't how things worked here, was it? And it made him feel a bit better than he had a backup plan. In fact, maybe he could survive it. Somehow.

"Ziggy, if you were 'okay, really', we wouldn't have you on suicide watch. Remember?" Scott's reminder was a damper; Ziggy had really hoped they'd forget why he was spending the day with each of them.

"Okay, I'm okay enough that I'm really not going to take one of Flynn's prized steak knives and stab myself. I wasn't thinking clearly that night, okay? Even I, Ziggy Grover, have my off days. And you've got to admit, getting chased by a homicidal machine with an intent to disembowel me and not having any choice but to activate the morpher, knowing you guys would hate me for it, really counts as an 'off day'!" He wasn't sure where that came from, but at least it surprised the hell out of Scott. And him, as well. Did he really want to live?

"And if you really want to know, I just couldn't take it anymore. I don't even understand how I managed to bond with this… thing! Why did this have to happen to me?" He knew why; he'd wanted to impress Doctor K. Hadn't quite happened that way, funnily enough. He felt his eyes pricking with tears and tried willing them away. He didn't want a repeat of the night before, where he'd pretty much cried himself to sleep.

Yeah, so not handling this well.

Scott came to sit by him. "We don't know. But I'm not sure it was entirely your choice to bond, either." He looked up at the ceiling. "It happened. We'll deal."

"Back up a little about the not being entirely my choice," Ziggy asked. Begged, really. Maybe he could figure out the whole thing if Scott told him something that he didn't know.

"As far as Dr. K can tell," Scott said, "Yeah, the morpher shouldn't have bonded. But it did, and you were reacting to its 'okay to bond' signal in the middle of a dangerous situation. You wanted to live, and so…."

"I pulled the lever," Ziggy said. It made sense. Knowing he didn't want to be a Ranger, he'd felt like he needed to pull it anyway. Not because he absolutely needed to, but because it was the best way to defend himself, and something in him took it.

Funny that he'd then tried to end that life. Funny that he still wanted to half-end it, but he was starting to wonder if that was such a good idea.

"I… I didn't want to take the morpher off, you know, when I took it off to go out." He'd thought at the time that it was just because he wanted to brag about it. "I told myself the next Operator would be better for it."

He knew that his voice was softening to a level where Scott could barely hear, but maybe he didn't want Scott to hear. He didn't want anyone to hear his moment of weakness.

"You wanted," Scott said, only a bit louder than Ziggy's own volume, "To live."

"Yeah," Ziggy said. He had; but his determination to make things better had caused him to take it off. A form of bravery that nobody would think Ziggy Grover capable of, to sacrifice himself for the betterment of the world. Just as he'd sacrificed everything for those kids.

It was easier to learn to fight than it was to be brave, indeed. Especially when it was to protect someone else.

Maybe it was time to channel that whole sacrificing thing into protecting people, like it was supposed to be, but it wasn't going to be easy when he really didn't know how to fight.

"Then let's make sure you get better at living," Scott said, putting a hand on his shoulder.

Ziggy could have protested that he was really good at living, too. Most of the time, anyway. But instead, he got up and mentally readied himself for another round of being knocked around.

* * *

"So, I guess it's you and me now," Ziggy said to Summer in the room where he and Scott had been training. Scott had told him it was just about time for Summer's turn, and the whole thing about talking and having lunch was just… he'd just had a talk he hadn't intended to have with Scott. Did he really want to have one with Summer?

Of course, he might not have a choice, either. His fate was in the hands of Scott, Summer, and Flynn. Well, Dillon, too, but Dillon had never rejected him as a Ranger. Dillon might still be a bit pissy about the whole thing, but he'd never reject Ziggy as a Ranger.

And maybe the others were on their way to doing the same. But Ziggy couldn't be sure.

"Yep, you and me. And… I think it's time for lunch."

Well, it wasn't like he had much choice, did he? He was under watch; he wasn't allowed to say no, not without worrying them. He could attempt to flirt to keep her from discussing those things he didn't want to discuss, but his heart wasn't in it.

Maybe he wasn't okay, after all.

"Um, I'd rather keep training, but… um. It's your call." Maybe he was a little bit tired. He and Scott had been working out, after all. And maybe Summer was feeling a bit guilty, and if she wanted to feed him lunch, who was he to complain?

He had a sudden vision of her feeding him like he'd always seen on TV, where the guy just opened his mouth and the girl fed him. Of course, that would be kind of bad in this situation, because that would mean she didn't trust him to eat, and the last thing he wanted to do was have a repeat of the cut muffins that morning.

"I ordered pizza," she said, giving him a smile. "You mentioned that you liked it, so I got us a pepperoni pineapple. I hope you don't mind; that's my favorite toppings."

"I can live with that," Ziggy said, and quickly realized what had come out of his mouth. "Er. I don't mind it at all, I mean."

At least they were trying. Being nice. It almost made up for what Summer was going to bother him about; it could be much worse.

"We know what you mean," Scott said. He gave Ziggy a gentle push. "Go, have lunch."

Summer led him to the bar, where a pizza box sat. "Dr. K says that you're going to the doctor tomorrow morning," she said. "So, I guess you'll just have me, Flynn, and Dillon, and then Scott'll take you to the appointment in the morning."

"Oh. Okay." He was and wasn't looking forward to going to the doctor - the psych. He wasn't really fond of the whole idea. On the other hand, it would get him back on active duty and off suicide watch before he went crazy. And psychs were sometimes really easy to manipulate.

It wasn't that easy with people who knew you, though he tried. "Here. Let's get plates; we can eat pizza on the sofa."

Ziggy thought about protesting, but realized that Summer was as likely to interrogate him at the bar, and he'd much rather be comfortable. That was probably why Dillon had insisted on the couches the night before - Ziggy couldn't run that way.

Well, okay, he could have sprinted off, but that would have told people other than Dillon that something was going on, and face it, Dillon could have dragged him back easily.

So, he let Summer get plates, and resigned himself to getting comfortable on the couch. She served him two slices of pizza and took two for herself. He discovered that he was hungry, and tried not to wolf down the pizza slices.

"How are you feeling?" Summer asked, after she'd finished her own two.

"Um. Okay. Re-" He stopped for a moment, remembering what Scott had said. "Okay at the moment, and, uh, more okay than anybody thinks."

"Yeah, good exercise will do that for you," Summer said, grinning a bit. "And since you want training, I'll be glad to help out. I just thought we'd talk for a bit first. I guess I don't really know you."

"Well, I try to be suave and mysterious," he said, pulling at nonexistent suspenders.

This caused her to laugh briefly, then she stopped as if she was afraid to laugh at him. Which was nice, he had to admit. Not being laughed at, that was.

"Ziggy, you tell the worst jokes of anyone I've ever met. You're sometimes offensive even if you don't mean to be. And I have to admit, I wish we'd gotten somebody with a little more fighting skill and a few less one-liners."

Well, at least she was being honest. He tried not to gulp.

"But you have heart, and that's important. You can learn to fight." She brushed her hair back. "You're our teammate, Ziggy, and I want you to know that once Scott, Flynn, and I got over our shock, we accepted you. That's why it hurt so much when we learned that you tried to kill yourself - you're part of our team, and if you'd died…." She took a deep breath. "There might have been a new Ranger Green, they might have been able to fight. But… they wouldn't have been you."

"Um…." Definitely painful discussion time. If it had just been about Summer, Ziggy would have tried to hold her. But it was about him, and he didn't want it to be about him. He would have gotten the hell out of there if he'd had a choice and wasn't likely to be tackled by a well-meaning set of Rangers.

"I guess we were a bit harsh on you, but we were worried that you'd get killed in your second fight trying to show off," she said, putting down her plate and taking his hand. "We really didn't mean for it to feel like you weren't wanted. We just wanted you to understand that you had a team to think about. I guess… we should have told you it was because we were worried about you."

Ziggy wanted to facepalm, but he didn't. He wondered if Summer would have realized he'd feel worse and it might have made leaving easier.

"Yeah. Well. Kinda had the opposite effect, if you know what I mean?" he didn't want to have an emotional conversation with Summer after having one with Scott.

"We really didn't mean it that way, Ziggy." She frowned. "We didn't mean to seem like we didn't want you. We just… well." Was she wiping a tear away? "We didn't want you to die, just having gotten you."

"Um." Did he get stuck in some kind of feel-good movie, or one of those movies-of-the-week, or something like that? Because it certainly felt like he had.

"You've got your flaws. We all do. All we ask is that you try to learn to fight. Scott would also say obey his orders, but that's Scott. There's a lot of potential in there, and we don't want to lose it."

"Um. Okay." Maybe she'd stop talking now? "But you don't have to worry about me, really." Damn, there it was again, the 'really'. "I'm not suicidal. Well, I was suicidal, but…."

"Just be okay, Ziggy. Be okay for us."

"I'll be the okayest that ever met okay," Ziggy said, raising a hand. "I just wish you guys would stop worrying, all right? Something went wrong, and it's okay now. Even if it went really wrong."

Yeah, he could do without being in the movie of the week. "I'm sure you'll be okay, too," Summer said. "I just want you to know… we're here for you, Ziggy. Not because we have to be, because we want to be. We live in the same place; we watch movies together, we take turns cooking, we socialize with each other, we can't not be here for each other. This is why we're such a good team."

Were her eyes getting teary again? Ziggy hoped not.

"Anyway," she said. "I just wanted you to know that. And that we should eat the pizza before the rest of the group gets to it."

"Too late," Flynn said, and as Ziggy looked over, he saw Flynn pick up two slices, a huge grin on his face. "But thanks for the pizza, anyway."

"The Ranger team that works together, eats together," Summer said with a sigh. "But we really should eat, because I understand that you want your but kicked, Landsdown style." That brought a smile to her face, and Ziggy had to shudder. Just a tiny bit.

But, obediently, he helped her finish up the pizza, and mentally prepared himself for another couple hours of training.

*  *  *

"So," Flynn said casually. "It's my turn now."

Ziggy, resting up from Summer's training session, looked up to see the only teammate who hadn't thrashed him - okay, besides Dillon - standing by the door, grinning.

"But I'm giving you a bit of a break, because Ziggy lad, you need clothes."

"I have clothes," he said. Admittedly, they were probably in Flynn's room, but he had clothes.

"You need green clothes," Summer said, giving him a smile.

He tried to recall if he'd ever seen Scott not wearing red, Flynn not wearing blue, or Summer not wearing yellow. And he had to admit, he really only had that green shirt, so it made sense, but right in the middle of suicide watch? Were they crazy?

Maybe it was a test of some kind. To see if he'd run away. Well, as tempting as it was, he didn't want to blow his chances.

"Okay...." If they wanted him to go clothes shopping, he'd do it.

"Your morpher is set to alarm if you remove yourself from Ranger Blue's presence," Doctor K said helpfully.

He wondered if the good Doctor meant to be reassuring. Probably did, this being him.

Flynn was jingling the keys to his Hummer. "Won't take long. There's a good box store we can go to, if we get a good salesperson we'll be back in time for dinner and then some more training."

"Right." He let Flynn lead him to the car. He buckled himself in, though Flynn checked to make sure he was secure before getting into his own seat and turning the ignition.

It felt odd to be outside, as if he'd gotten parole. Or was on a community work team, more realistically. He was sure the reason that Flynn had been chosen was that Flynn was not going to let him get away with anything.

"So," Flynn said, while bhe was waiting to turn into the store, "I've never actually dealt with someone who was suicidal who wasn't trying to kill themselves then and there. I was pretty good at tackling those at my prior work, but... well, I have to admit that I might have overreacted a bit. Dr. K says that you just need to be checked on every few minutes."

"Ah. Thanks. It's nice to know that I can't be counted on to not stab myself in the few minutes between checks." He didn't meant to be sarcastic. He was just tired. That was it.

"Well, you have to admit, you did give us a right scare when we found out that you'd tried to kill yourself thinking you were helping us." Flynn watched the light change. "You may not be a good fighter, Ziggy, but you're part of this team now, and I don't want you to think you're unwelcome. The morpher accepted you - why shouldn't we?"

"I'm still wondering what the morpher was thinking - well, the morpher doesn't think, of course, but...."

"It had to have a reason." Flynn sounded confident about that. "Ziggy, we don't hate you, we just... well, your jokes need a bit of work, man."

"Okay." His jokes were perfectly fine, thank you. But he was still not up to debating some things.

"In any case, I'm sure Scott and Summer have told you this... but you're our teammate now, Ziggy, and we don't want you to think you're ever unwelcome. It may take a little time to get used to being on a team, but you are. If you have any problems - or any urges to take care of something by dying - we'd kind of like to know." Parking the car, he turned to look at Ziggy "And if you're not comfortable telling us, or Dr. K - he really does mean well, you know - talk to Dillon. He sounded as pissed about what you tried to do as much as we did. Maybe worse."

"Um, yeah, he was pissed all right when he showed up, that's for sure!" Ziggy had figured that it was because Dr. K had hauled him from whatever to fetch him back, but maybe he had been pissed off for other reasons.

"Yeah, friends tend to do that, you see." Unbuckling his seatbelt, he gave Ziggy a grin. "Promise me, okay? Talk to Dillon, if nobody else, if something goes wrong."

"I... think I can promise that." It was really weird, how the others were kind of falling all over themselves to make sure he knew he was welcome, but he guessed that a team like that had to work this way, to trust each other and have each others' backs.

"Good. And we'll do what we can to make sure that you don't get into too much trouble out in the field. Once the doctors clear you, of course. Ready to go in?"

"As ready as I'll ever be." They were letting him go to a store. They were either nuts, trusting, or this really was a test he didn't want to blow.

Flynn led him into the store, and he kept close to his teammate. He really didn't want to discover what the alarm sounded like. "Lass?" Flynn called to a salesperson, and she turned, her eyes widening as if she realized who'd gotten her attention.

"Oh, hi! Can I help you?" Her nametag read "Susan", and she was dressed in a green polo and black slacks like the rest of the store employees.

"He needs some clothes. You work in that department?"

"I can give you any help you need today with that." She smiled at both of them. "Right this way."

She led them to the men's department. "So, what do you need?" she asked.

"Shirts foremost, about a week's worth. Got a preference for shade?" Flynn asked him.

"Dark green, thanks." Dark green felt about right for him.

"He'll also need nightclothes and underwear, but I'll handle the underwear part. Preferably plain - no patterns or logos."

She nodded. "Okay. I'll see what I can do." Turning to Ziggy, she smiled. "Are you our new Ranger?"

Ziggy wondered when he'd become "our Ranger" and decided he didn't want to know. "Um, yeah."

Her smile became wider. "Okay, what size do you wear for shirts? Pants?"

He told her what size he was and she practically skipped off. "Is that normal?" he asked Flynn. Might as well talk to someone and it wasn't as if Flynn was going to go into top secret information on the shop floor.

"Yeah," Flynn said. "You'll learn not to get a swelled head over it." He was watching the top of the girl's head as she wove around the racks and tables.

"I was joking about the uniform part," Ziggy said. It felt good to be able to joke about things, a little. And the fact that Flynn wasn't treating him as the pitiable suicide attempt guy was better.

A few minutes later, she was back. "Okay, here's some forest green t-shirts. Do you need pants? Nightwear's easier to find in patterns right now - how badly do you need nonpatterned?"

"Not as much on the pyjamas," Flynn told her warmly. Ziggy swore she was swooning at the accent. "It's mostly the shirts. Pants we don't need much of - maybe a pair or two. Those don't hafta be green, but it's helpful."

She left, coming back with a colleague after a few more minutes with some pants and pajamas. "Here's the selection for green men's nightwear - I'm sorry, it's all stripes, plaids, and this clover pattern in the size you're looking for."

Ziggy wasn't sure why he even needed them, but he wasn't about to contradict Flynn. "Got a preference, Ziggy?"

The clover set was nice and cool, and the plaid was clearly meant for colder temperatures. The stripes didn't do much for him. "I think I like the clover and the plaid ones."

Susan smiled and handed the pajamas to Flynn, who added them to the cart. Her coworker got the striped pajamas and headed back without a word.

FInally, he and Flynn were finished shopping. He didn't want to think of how much they'd just spent on clothes for him, but at least the store wasn't too bad. Flynn stopped a moment to look at some green socks and instead of groaning like he'd like to do, Ziggy turned to Susan. "So, er, been working here long?"

"Since I arrived in Corinth. I was lucky - I was going to a convention in Baltimore when everything came down. I might have arrived with a suitcase and a carry-on to my name, but at least I survived." She smiled, but he thought it looked a bit guilty. Survivor's guilt, that happened a lot in Corinth. "My background is in call center, but I figured I could do retail."

He nodded. It was good to talk to someone about something that was not saving the world or how he felt. "Like it here?"

"Some parts better than others. You get nice customers, and then you get... well, not so nice customers." She shrugged. "You work with the public, you get used to this kind of thing. Personally, I want to write a best-seller and reduce my hours."

He had to smile at that. "What genre do you write?" He was aware that Flynn had stopped and was grinning at something.

"YA Horror. Well, I didn't set out to write horror, but I guess with my depression I write great angsty supernatural creatures." She shook her head. "Write what you kind of know, after all."

"You've got depression?" he asked, surprised that she'd mention it.

"Yeah. I don't hide it because... well, stigma's not going to stop if I hide it, might as well be open." She shrugged.

He had to blink at that. People were open about that? It seemed like a great way to get hurt, in his life.

"Um, in any case, thank you for being here for our city." She blushed a little. "Enjoy your new clothes!"

Obviously, she had stuff to do. Or she was embarrassed by how much she'd just said. "Thanks."

Flynn plopped a trio of pairs of socks into the cart. "Thanks, lassie."

She gave him a brilliant grin and took off.

After paying for the clothes and loading them into Flynn's hummer, the two headed home. "That salesgirl was interesting, don't you think?" Flynn said conversationally.

"Um. Yeah." It was starting to get a bit uncomfortable, the hero-worship that he was seeing. He hadn't done anything. He'd barely acted as a Ranger. They didn't seem to care.

"Didn't know that people with depression smiled that much." he wasn't looking at Ziggy, but Ziggy knew he was probably thinking about the whole thing.

"It's something you learn to hide," Ziggy said. "Most people don't want to be thought of as crazy, after all." He hadn't.

"Keep that in mind." Flynn said. "In the meantime, exercise helps, I think. So, looking forward to more of it?"

"Yeah." He really kind of could get behind the exercise thing. He could actually get behind the living thing. Didn't mean that he didn't feel like he was letting the team down, though.

Definitely was not okay. Maybe he'd feel better after dinner.

Maybe.


	5. Chapter 5

Things were starting to fall into an almost normal pace by the time Ziggy got up the next morning. Heck, dinner hadn't been so bad, other than the uncomfortable sensation that they were all checking up on him. All at once, even though he was right there in sight of all of them.

Oh, and he could have done without Flynn hogging all his new clothes, too. 

Flynn had done breakfast again that morning, because apparently Ziggy wasn't going to be trusted with that, either, until he saw the psych. Maybe he'd be able to have breakfast the next morning, after he fooled the psych into believing it was less awful than it was. 

It was still pretty awful, he had to admit. He was still pretty awful, come to think of it. But he really didn't have any choice than to go with Plan B, which was to survive and learn to Ranger instead of killing himself.

Plan A would never work. His team would be forever be watching him far too closely. Apparently, there were things that good people didn't forget, and suicidal co-workers was one of them. Dillon, for all his standoffishness and lone wolf tendencies, had hovered around like nobody's business that evening.

What had somebody said once? That it was possible to live a miserable life instead of dying?

It was almost a relief when Scott took over watch. He was wary, but he wasn't in Ziggy's space. Which Ziggy could live with. Sort of. For the moment.

"Ziggy," Scott said "Let's go."

Ziggy could vaguely remember what going to the psych was like, at least paperwork-wise. He'd been a bit young to deal with that part much. He didn't know what it was like to see a military psych, because that's what he presumed he'd gotten.

Shit. What if they saw right through him? He wasn't a kid, after all.

Scott drove him to an unremarkable building a mile down, and the two of them entered. Ziggy was vaguely surprised to hear soft music being piped in, as well as light blue walls. He wondered if they'd wandered into the maternity clinic by mistake.

But Scott was being handed a clipboard, and he passed it onto Ziggy. Ziggy stared at it, wondering why they'd think he was going to tell the truth regarding his moods, or at least as much as he could get away with not saying.

He filled it out anyway.

After what seemed like forever - with Scott attempting to sit at attention as much as possible - Ziggy heard his name being called. A man, slightly balding, smiled at him from the doorway. "Ziggy Grover? I'm Dr. Elliott Biren. Why don't you come with me?

There was military stuff beneath his coat. Ziggy tried not to gulp.

Following Dr. Biren into the office, he was ushered into a chair. "I'm required to let you know," the doctor said, and Ziggy froze for a moment, not wanting to hear the next words, "That I've been granted enough security clearance to be told anything regarding Project Ranger that might be relevant to the reason you're here. Also, everything said within this room is, by my oath, held in confidence."

Ziggy vaguely remembered his first psych telling him something like that, in simpler words and things not requiring security clearance. Of course, the fact that he knew anything that required a security clearance was vaguely terrifying. He'd never really thought about it when he was just the help.

"So," Dr. Biren said, "I understand you have a problem."

"Yeah, you could say that." He wanted to laugh, but he was afraid he'd sound hysterical.

Dr. Biren folded his hands. "So, tell me what brought you here today."

Easier said than done, Ziggy wanted to tell him. But he took a deep breath. "I, um, had a plan to get myself killed. I mean, other than by Venjix forces."

There was a slight nod from the psych. "So, let's back up a little. Obviously you didn't carry it out, or you wouldn't be sitting here. Could you tell me the whole story, Ziggy?"

It was really weird, Ziggy thought, to have the doctor address him by his first name as an adult. As a kid, sure, it made sense. But not as an adult, that was for sure. So, he took a deep breath.

"Well, I was doing okay until I, um, suddenly found myself being a Ranger. I wasn't supposed to get the morpher, you see, Doctor K had a specific set of requirements and I certainly didn't fit them. The others didn't seem to like me much, either." Despite what Summer, Scott, and Flynn had said, he remembered their expressions - and the lectures - clearly. 

"How did you get the morpher, then? I know a little from the information they gave me on the permanency of the bond."

This was going to be tough, depending on how much information the psych had been given.

"I was supposed to be delivering it to our new Ranger Green - except it turned out to be a Venjix ruse. I, um, was forced to bond to it to keep it from Venjix's forces."

"Somebody forced you to bond, or did you choose it yourself?" Dr. Biren asked. 

"Well, nobody stood over me and told me I had to," Ziggy said. "It was either me bonding with it or a cyborg, and I kind of decided I'd rather have it be me. Of course, Doc K wasn't too thrilled about it. I wasn't really happy about it either. I got lectured by everybody on how serious this whole thing was, as if I hadn't really figured it out on my first day on the job."

It felt… therapeutic… somehow to talk to Dr. Biren. Sure, the psych could make things worse for him, but Ziggy wasn't sure how. It wasn't like he wasn't on Watch.

Dr. Biren was nodding. "I would think Rangering would be a very stressful job. I've had the privilege of being told a little of what that requires, training and otherwise. How much experience did you have with all of this before you bonded with your morpher?"

"I kinda hung around the Rangers, but I kind of didn't pay attention to things like training unless it required cleanup, you know? I knew the training was kind of heavy, but that's all I knew. I wasn't looking forward to it 'cause all I know is confidence games and how to kiss ass, you know? I can tell you how to avoid pissing off a Cartel boss - um, that's what I did before being a Ranger, doing confidence games, and can you see why they didn't want to see me as one?"

"How did you feel about becoming a Ranger?" Dr. Biren asked, as if he hadn't heard most of Ziggy's answer. Or maybe wanted to avoid it.

"I didn't want to be one. Kinda why I tried to walk out of there in the middle of the night to die. I was pretty proud of my plan, though. I came up with it pretty fast."

He'd almost made it, if it hadn't been for an upset Dr. K.

"What stopped you?" Dr. Biren asked.

"Well, I got hungry. And Doc K was kind of upset that I walked off base like that, so he sent my teammate Dillon after me, and… well, I didn't get to do it. And then Dillon figured it out and blurted everything. Well, he didn't mean to, but he did."

"Are you upset at him?"

"Uh-uh. I mean, he can be kind of scary when he's worried, but he's a good guy and he really didn't mean to say anything, you know? It just… happened." 

"So, you forgive him?" 

"Of course I forgive him." Why wouldn't he? Dillon was just kind of worried, after all. Apparently, they all were, even Doc K.

But instead of saying something judgmental, like Ziggy expected, Dr. Biren just nodded. "Have you ever thought that the whole stress of becoming a Ranger might have been why you suddenly wanted to… take a walk outside?"

"Well, yeah." That, and he knew that he was going to suck as a Ranger, but he'd been through an entire day of 'you'll eventually not suck' speeches from an entire Ranger team. His entire Ranger team. The more he could kind of accept the whole team thing meant that he'd get out of Watch that much faster. "More stress than I could take."

"Think of it this way," Dr. Biren said. "Are you usually pretty good at coping with stress?"

"Pretty much. I mean, I kind of had to." He didn't want to talk about all the ass-kissing he'd had to deal with. "I mean, I was pretty low on the pole when it came to my job. Kinda needed to be internally happy to do that."

The psych nodded. "How do you feel now?"

"Well, I feel kind of stupid over the entire plan. What was I thinking? And I guess I assumed some things wrong. I'm upset, but it's because now my whole team's hovering. They're kind of worried." 

Dr. Biren laughed, as Ziggy kind of hoped he would. "Good friends usually do worry."  He looked at Ziggy. "How long ago did you try to walk off?"

"Day before yesterday. I guess Doc K couldn't get an appointment yesterday, so I got to spend the entire day being tossed into mats and being told how worried everybody was."

"Exercise is always good for depression," Dr. Biren told him. "A good, healthy diet and exercise tends to help people with the condition. I'm sure you eat right as a Ranger."

"Yeah." He wasn't looking forward to either. Succeeding at his original plan would have been much more satisfying than having to have so much exercise and such.

"So, here's what I would like to suggest." It sounded to Ziggy like it was one of Doc K's suggestions - that was, not optional at all. "At the moment, it appears that this might have been stress from becoming a Ranger. I don't see a reason to keep you on the dedicated Watch you're currently on."

Ziggy nearly whooped.

"I'm not clearing you for duty, however." Dr. Biren was shaking his head. "You probably need another week or so to acclimate to being a Ranger. I don't think it would be safe for you to go out into the field the way you are now." He looked at a file on his computer. "I take it you were reprimanded for leaving base without permission?"

"Yeah. That happened before anybody knew what was going on." He doubted Scott was going to revoke it anytime soon, either. "So, I'm grounded, or so it was explained to me."

"Restricted to base," Dr. Biren corrected. "Though, given that I've had teenagers of my own, 'Grounding' is a good word for it." He looked over at Ziggy. "Take the time to rest and start training. I'm going to prescribe you some medication, as soon as I know what won't react with your powers."

"Medication. Like what?" He'd been on meds before. Valium and something else. He'd never liked them, even before it was revealed that they could cause suicidal thoughts in teens or whatever.

"One of the benzodiazepines most likely," the psych told him. "They're not meant to be long-term drugs, just a stopgap of sorts. They temporarily help with insomnia and anxiety - which probably is one of the reasons you're having problems. Benzodiazepines kind of calm down that part of the brain that's a bit over-excited and help you cope until you can cope."

Okay, those didn't sound too bad. Hopefully he could take them. If he went on the meds and then off them, that should convince everybody he was okay. And then maybe Dr. Biren would let him back on duty.

He still kinda wished he'd died. But at least he wouldn't go crazy while convincing his teammates that he wasn't crazy. Or at least he didn't think he was.

* * *

Eventually, Dr. Biren let him go back to Scott, assuring Scott that he'd discuss things with Doctor K regarding Ziggy's issues. Except that Dr. Biren didn't put it that way, he just mentioned treatment and medication.

Which didn't mean that Scott let him anywhere out of his sight, oh no. Not until they'd gotten back to the Garage was he allowed to even go to the bathroom by himself, Scott probably figuring that he could break down the door or something. Of course, he hadn't even locked it, because he didn't want Scott or the others to worry when they didn't have to.

Because, of course, there was no way in hell he was going to let them worry any more than they were. This was a practical thing. Even if he'd decided to live, which he had pretty much committed himself to do, it was going to take a while for them to be convinced of that. Maybe he'd get his privileges back in steps, starting with his clothes. Yeah. He'd work on getting his clothes back first. Not being able to decide what to wear was getting to be a little bit irritating. Other than the plaid pajamas, and that was mostly because it was permanently cold up in his room and he had more sense than to wear the light pajamas.

Needless to say, he was grateful for his heavy comforter. Even if it was green. He was kind of getting sick of green, though he knew that this whole green thing had to do with his power, therefore he had to be around green. Still, green green was green.

Doctor K hadn't greeted Ziggy or Scott when they'd come home, though at some point Scott got called in. Ziggy had no doubt that Summer and Flynn were covertly checking on him. Dillon was working on the Fury, and he liked his Fury-working time, so he probably was letting the others keep an eye on Ziggy. For the moment. Until he couldn't concentrate anymore.

Ziggy forced himself to relax, picking up one of the books that seemed to wander its way into the common area. It was a science fiction novel, and Ziggy had to wonder if it was Flynn's, or if someone else there had a taste for science fiction.

He really didn't know much about his teammates, did he? He kind of hadn't been in the mood to, before, and before that, it was just kind of stuff he'd subconsciously picked up to make sure that people liked him. Instinctive stuff that any good toady should notice.

Except he wasn't really a toady anymore, he was a Ranger, and he needed to pick these things up so that he could work with the others while he learned how to do the fighting thing.

The door to the testing room slid open, and Scott stepped out. "Your turn," he said, pointing a thumb in the direction he'd just come.

Well, at least Ziggy was going to have to listen to one less "Ranger Operator Series Green", at least until he got in there. Which was exactly what he did. He walked in, standing tentatively in the middle of the room.

"I have just finished going over the examination results from Dr. Biren," Doctor K said. He made it sound like Ziggy's test results were the end of the world. "He recommended removing you from Suicide Watch, though not without caveats."

"Um. Yeah." Like being grounded, but he wasn't going to say that if Doctor K didn't.

"Fortunately for you, examining the interaction between possible Ranger Operator biology and the benzodiazepine series is something that had I had previously done. While the medication he suggested was not optimal for your altered biology, there is another that I will be using for you until you stabilize. My preliminary examination of the data regarding the other medication he prescribed suggests that it would not be compatible. Therefore, I will be working with him as to what will need to be done."

"Waitaminute. Altered biology?" That didn't sound good, not at all.

"There is a certain alteration in the biology of Rangers that makes them more compatible with their powers."

"Doc, I'd kind of like to have kids someday," Ziggy felt he needed to point out.

"And Colonel Truman would like grandchildren, I believe." Doctor K's tone was matter of fact. "This does not affect your reproductive abilities or your genes."

"Oh. That's nice to know." Ziggy wanted to shake his head, but he didn't know how Doc K would react. "So, what happens now?"

"I start you on the training program that I had set up for you before all this happened," Doctor K said. "In addition, you will follow all dietary restrictions, as well as take the medication you are prescribed. After a week, you will return to Dr. Biren to be evaluated. Until he clears you for duty, you are to remain on base."

"And after that?" Ziggy felt compelled to ask. It was the kind of feeling that said that he didn't really want to know.

"You will remain on base except for attacks or events that demand Ranger presence, until Ranger Red chooses to remove the restriction on your movements. However, given what you attempted to do, I sincerely doubt that will be anytime soon.

Did Doc K sound really irritated, or was that his imagination? "Right. I'll keep that in mind. Um, what is my training schedule?"

His boss sighed and outlined his schedule again, and Ziggy hoped that he'd survive it all.

* * *

"Y'know, I'm off Watch," Ziggy said conversationally as the two of them sat together in the Fury later that evening.

Dillon made a noise that wasn't meant to sound like he approved of that. He wasn't sure why the psych thought Ziggy was stable enough to be off of it, but apparently his friend had conned the psych. He wasn't conning his teammates, though, and if there was anything to be said for the others, at least they weren't believing Ziggy either. A formal watch might be over, but they were all keeping an eye on him.

"It's like nobody trusts me, or something! Really seriously, I'm not going to kill myself!" Ziggy was flailing with his hands.

"Gee, I wonder why?" Dillon asked, settling for as few words as possible. He could only be there for Ziggy, not allowing him to do anything dangerous until he was okay to actually be a Ranger.

"Well, okay, I did try to kill myself. But I can do things on my own. I don't need someone watching me twenty-four seven anymore, 'cause I'm seriously not stupid. I just have stupid moments, that's all."

Dillon resisted pointing out that the stupid moment in question had involved ending Ziggy's life, and nobody was about to let him out of their sights for very long. Ziggy was the kind of guy who liked to vent, and if it made him feel better, Dillon wasn't about to stop him.

Maybe he should clue in the rest of the team to that. Dillon couldn't say he was completely warming to them, but they were all in this whole thing with Ziggy together.

There was a snippet lurking in his memories, a girl speaking in a British accent. "This time, we fall together." He couldn't identify the source, if it had been a live person or a movie or something else, though he suspected it was someone he'd run across after the world ended..  His memories were like that; what few he had, he couldn't identify where they were from. He retained enough memories to live his life, but most of them were subconscious, from repetition and vague recognition. Or bits of half-remembered speeches that he couldn't attribute to anybody.

That's why his memories and his friends were so precious to him, and why he couldn't allow Ziggy to go off and die like that. They might be killed in battle, all of them, but it terrified him that Ziggy had wanted to walk out of this life, to go and die because he thought that he was useless. Other than the girl in his dreams, Ziggy was the only real solid connection he had.

The worst thing was that Ziggy was punishing himself for being a hero. He didn't have to strap on that morpher; he could have walked away, or let Tenaya 7 have it. But he'd held true to his word, and Dillon was sure that Ziggy would bounce back.

It just hadn't happened yet. Ziggy would like them to believe that he had, but he hadn't.

"I guess I'm just tired of the coddling, that's all. I never thought I'd say that, especially when it's an entire Ranger team, but I'm tired of being watched and worse, not being able to do things for fear I'm going to make a rope out of my clothes." Ziggy seemed oblivious to Dillon's presence, or at least Dillon's lack of real responses. "It's like... I'm still useless, you know? Except for people to worry over."

"You won't be, eventually." Dillon figured he should start encouraging Ziggy to feel better about himself, because nothing was going to happen if he was moping. The lone wolf, brooding thing worked well for him, but was wrong on Ziggy.

"Yeah, that's what Doc K is promising. Sort of. I guess it's a good thing that I'm back on full training schedule, huh? If it doesn't kill me, it'll make me less incompetent, I think."

"If you want to spar with someone after, just let me know," Dillon said, with a little bit of amusement. Maybe if someone was gentler on Ziggy, he'd be more comfortable with his new job. Not naming names. "Or someone to hang around and snark at the Doc for you. 'Cause I can do that, you know."

"I think I need to be able to handle him on my own, but thanks. Don't want to feel any more useless than I already am right now."

"Doesn't mean you have to face him alone." Doctor K might have been concerned, but he was still apt to put their newest Ranger down without meaning to. "We're a team, remember? Might not feel like it sometimes, but we are."

ZIggy laughed in a brittle way. "Yeah. I know, gotta remember the team." He didn't sound like he was really thrilled about that, and given his introduction to being a Ranger, Dillon didn't blame him.

"They'll grow on you." They seemed to be for him, anyway. "Like moss."

The laugh became less brittle. "Yeah, they seem to be, kinda. I guess you're getting used to the Rangering thing."

"Couldn't have done it without you." He really couldn't have. Having someone familiar as he coped with Scott had been a lifesaver. Now he'd do it for Ziggy, because Ziggy needed the bonds that Dillon had forged with the team. He needed to see that the others had accepted him, which Dillon wasn't sure that Ziggy could see.

"Yeah. Well." Ziggy ran a hand through his unruly curls. Dillon wondered sometimes how he didn't get his fingers caught up in tangles. Maybe Ziggy did the unruly style on purpose. "What are friends for?"

"Exactly."


	6. Chapter 6

"Ranger Black," Doctor K said, in his usual severe tone, "It's not time for you to train."

Ziggy blinked, because he hadn't even noticed his friend come in behind him. Dillon could be super-stealthy if he wanted to. Or at least that's what Ziggy hoped, because it was so a bad thing if he hadn't noticed Dillon coming in.

"Nope. But I can provide moral support." Ziggy turned to see his friend standing at the doors, arms folded. "'Sides, I enjoy talking with you more than he does. I believe he's doing orientation training, anyway."

Apparently, Dillon was damn serious in his offer to provide moral support to Ziggy. "It is a combination of orientation and dodge training. I would prefer to be able to concentrate on Ranger Green and not be concerned about where you are. Therefore, I suggest you leave the room before that."

"Doc, in combat we're going to be fighting near each other. Our powers are paired. Deal."

Doctor K made a short, frustrated noise. "Very well. I will not be held responsible for any damage to you."

"All I can ask, Doc." Dillon's manner was easy. Ziggy wasn't sure what his friend meant, but maybe he could put it to use, thinking of Dillon as a civilian that couldn't quite get out of the way. Yeah, that worked.

He'd been that civilian once or twice, though he doubted his teammates remembered that, just one more face in the civilian crowd.

"Very well. Ranger Green, we will start training now."

That was a cue. Ziggy wasn't looking forward to any of it, but he had to admit that as things went, the orientation machine thingy was the least of his problems. He got in, trying to concentrate on keeping his bearings as the thing spun around.

And then he was suddenly ejected. "Hey!" he yelled, before balls started coming at him. He forced his body to move to avoid the bruses that came when the balls hit him. Didn't need to be depressed and bruised, after all, and since he was stuck with plan B, he could do without the damn bruises.

Though if he thought about it, bruises on his end meant less pain on Dillon's - er, the faceless civilian that he was pretending Dillon was. Because otherwise Dillon was hard to hurt and he had to not think about that when balls were being aimed at his face.

The whole exercise seemed to take forever, and he was really kind of tiring when it abruptly ended. At least he wasn't wobbly, but he was a bit bruised.

He checked. Dillon was leaning against the wall, seemingly unhurt, which was a relief.

"Ranger Green," Doctor K said, "The idea is to dodge incoming projectiles, not to get hit by them."

"Yeah, well if I didn't, Dillon would've gotten hurt." He tried to smile at Doctor K's monitor. "And I know he can handle it, but if he was a civilian? Wouldn't have been good."

"Your main concern at the moment is to avoid damage to yourself. You are not a renewable resource. Please concentrate on that before attempting to save others."

"What he's saying," Dillon said, "Is that he'd kind of like you to avoid dying in battle because you can't dodge stuff, worry about the rest of us later."

"While Ranger Black's wording is more informal than mine," Doctor K said, "I would also suggest that you contain your generosity until you are able to do so more competently. Currently, your current medical condition makes it imperative that you develop an interest in maintaining your own health instead of worrying about others'."

"I do have a self-preservation instinct, if you must know!" Sure, it didn't kick in all the time, but he had one. It had served him well until he bonded with his morpher. "It sometimes kind of doesn't work, but I do have one!"

"Then I suggest you work on developing it more. However, this session is over. You will, of course, remain on base, but you are free to go."

"That sounds like a contradiction in terms," Ziggy said half-heartedly, but knew that if he even tried to step outside he'd be tackled like nobody's business. The team hadn't gotten to the point where they had quite realized he was off Watch.

Maybe he wasn't the only one with problems, though he could do without the watching.

Dillon followed him out, like a good jailer of sorts. Except he'd never say that to anybody's faces, because as he mentioned to Doc K, he did have a survival instinct. He knew how to kiss ass. It might not have saved him from all this, but he was a champion at that.

He'd go and hide, but that would worry them more, and he didn't want to be pitied any more than he was. He did have at least some pride to go with that survival instinct.

It would have been much better for all concerned if he hadn't been found, but he couldn't fix that. Had to work with the situation that he was in, which involved his team. "I'm gonna go upstairs and listen to some music."

"Want some company?" Dillon asked, which was nice of him.

"Nah, but thanks for asking. Sometimes a guy's just gotta be alone, and if I'm needed, the door'll be unlocked." Just in case anybody else was listening.

He headed upstairs, into his room, not locking the door. He'd dearly love to, but not with the others as touchy as they were at the moment. If someone wanted to check, they could, but they wouldn't find anything. Flopping down at his morpher, he wondered if he could take it off, and decided that Doctor K would probably have a hissyfit and was so not in the mood for dealing with that right at the moment.

Instead, he turned on the music and closed his eyes. It would be nice to be swept away for a while.

 

There was someone yelling. This wasn't new to Ziggy, as he was used to somebody yelling for or at someone else, either at the orphanage, one of his foster homes, the cartel, or jail. So, he was reluctant to leave his comfortable spot to go find out who was doing the yelling.

And then there was a knock on the door. Ziggy took a moment to remember where he was and what he had been doing, and then realized he must have drifted off to a comfy sleep while listening to music. Which wasn't what was supposed to happen, but hey, he had to go with the flow.

"Yeah?" he called. Had somebody just knocked on his door instead of just opening it? Wonders wouldn't cease.

"Doctor K's looking for you," Summer called. Oh, yeah, she probably didn't want to chance on coming in on him naked. Which was okay by him. Probably if he hadn't answered she might have barged in, given his luck.

"Sure, be right there." Must be time for another round of training or something. He did have more training, right? Keep the mind and body active while he healed his mental wounds.

He made sure he was decent, and headed downstairs. "I think you have training," Summer said sympathetically. He wondered if Dillon would insist on coming with him, but his friend seemed embroiled in an argument with Scott.

"Probably," Ziggy said. He hoped it was, because he didn't want to have another discussion about his mental health with Doc K. "Thanks for letting me know. And, um, not barging in on me."

It was probably because of the whole naked thing, but he was definitely grateful.

She tucked a strand of hair behind an ear. "That bothers you, doesn't it?"

"Just a bit." He wanted to say more, but standing out wasn't a good thing, he had learned that. If he'd been a little quieter, if Doctor K hadn't been awake… well, the past was past. "Better get to training, though." He wasn't going to annoy Doctor K any more than he had to.

Summer shot what he thought was a pitying look, and he would have taken advantage of it, but orders were orders, and just because he wasn't in the Cartel anymore didn't mean that something nasty wouldn't happen if he didn't pay attention to what the boss wanted.

Maybe legit jobs weren't so different from the ones he was used to. Though before, he just had to be worried about being tossed out on his ear. Now, he had the fate of the world in his hands.

Yeah, worst decision with the morpher, ever. But he wasn't allowed to die, so he had to live with it. Keeping that in mind, he hurried to the training room before Summer could say anything more.

 

Ziggy was hard to understand, and Summer couldn't help but stare at him as he rushed to training. Which she understood all too well; Doctor K wasn't exactly someone that one could leave waiting, and all of them had been late to training at one point or another.

Like everybody else, Summer wasn't sure why Ziggy had been taken off of suicide watch, though in some ways, it was a relief. It meant that someone who was trained in such things had looked at Ziggy and determined that he wasn't in that bad a state of mind. In a bad state, yes, because Ziggy wasn't back on duty yet, but not suicidal. Maybe he was getting back to his former self and putting the whole thing behind him. Like her, he was bouncing back from some terrible circumstances.

Flynn came over, working on some applesauce that she wasn't aware they'd had. "That looks good," she said.

"Don't know where Ziggy learned to make applesauce, but it's certainly good," Flynn said. "Still can't believe he wanted to end his life."

"I know. But at least he's getting better." That's what she needed to believe and all of them needed to believe, for Ziggy's sake.

"I wonder about that," Flynn said conversationally. "But you're right. I think telling the lad he's worth something might be helping. When I took him out to get clothes, he was a bit surprised by the fact we have fans. I think it might have been a good surprise, though."

"We've lived through the end of the world," Summer said. "I'm surprised that more of us haven't broken down."

"We'd moved past it by the time we became Rangers," Flynn reasoned. "'Sides, we had support. Each other. None of us had depression coming in, either."

"And Ziggy did." She hated to think of the mental illness rates for the citizens of Corinth. Or how busy the psychiatrists and counselors were keeping. It sounded like Ziggy was largely untreated, too, which hadn't helped. "Ziggy drove me crazy when he first came here. I don't think I paid much attention to him, because I didn't want to really get to know him."

For all that he had been helpful, he did crack bad jokes, and he had a perverted streak that made Summer uncomfortable. She'd driven it out of her mind when he'd tried to kill himself, but it was something she'd have to talk to him about. He did have a good heart, but some parts of him weren't that great.

But he was her teammate, and if nothing else, now that they were building him into the team, she could talk to him about it. See if there was anything to get him to realize that there were some reasons people were put off by him. Later.

"And then he took on a morpher." Flynn was nodding. "Been a tough time for all of us lately. He's got a long path ahead of him."

"Yeah." Summer looked at the closed door. At least the exercise would do him good. "Movie night tonight?"

"Good idea. I'll grab Dillon, see what Ziggy likes, if he knows. Including him in everything is a good idea. Nearly everything, anyway."

She had to laugh a bit at that. "Nearly everything."

"Wonder what else we can do?" Flynn asked. "Dunno how much I can trust him, but there's gotta be something to boost his self-confidence."

"Return some of his stuff, maybe?" Summer suggested. "I think that maybe he's getting a little frustrated. It'll help if we show that we trust him."

"Dunno if that's a good idea. But if it helps...." Flynn sighed. "But I guess we have to trust the lad sometime, eh?"

"I think that'll help for all of us," Summer told him. "Didn't you ask him to come to someone if he felt suicidal? I think we should trust him. At least with that."

"Yeah. Not thrilled, but yeah. See how he takes to getting his clothes back. Take it he headed off to training, so I've got a little time." Flynn shot a look at the doors and headed up.

The argument behind her ceased, and soon she was joined by Dillon. "Did Ziggy go training?" he asked, trying to be casual, though his stiff demeanour told her that he was anything but relaxed.

"Yeah."

"I should have been in there." He stared at the doors broodily.

"How did he do the last time?" Summer asked, more curious than anything else.

"Got hit a lot," Dillon said, "But that's because he insisted on trying to protect me, as an 'innocent civilian'." The look on his face could only be described as amused. "Doctor K and I had a talk about protecting himself first."

"Good idea," Summer said. It said good things about Ziggy that he was thinking of civilians, but they were more worried about having him hurt in battle. "Maybe he'll do better if he didn't have you in there. He does have to develop some defense without you there, Dillon."

"I just worry about him. He tried to kill himself, Summer." He was no longer amused, and his jaw had a stubborn set. "He told me that he wasn't going to try to kill himself in here, but I'm still worried that he would."

It wasn't hard to catch what Dillon had meant to say. Dillon had amnesia, and of all the friendships he had forged in his new life, the strongest had to be with Ziggy. Very few things scared Dillon, but losing people had to be on the top of his list.

Not that it wasn't on top of a lot of peoples' lists, but for someone with Dillon's memory loss, losing his closest friend had to be terrifying. "He'll get strong. For you." Hopefully for all of them, but just as Dillon worried about Ziggy, Ziggy obviously looked up to Dillon. "What we need to do now is show him that he's a trusted part of this team so that he'll improve."

She doubted Dillon wanted to put Ziggy in danger any more than she did, but he was a Ranger now, and somehow, she felt a little more assured that he'd grow into the role, with the help of his team.

"Didn't know you were a trained therapist, Summer." The words were tiredly sarcastic, but Summer figured that it was the way that Dillon was when he was worried.

"Nope. But I got to deal a lot with people who were in bad shape when I got here." She kept her tone light. Ziggy needed trust now, or he wouldn't ever feel like he was anywhere equal to them. He wasn't in fighting ability, and never would be without help. "I think we should all just practice sparring. Ziggy should hear good words every so often."

"Yeah. 'Cause Doctor K won't say anything positive." Dillon went back to staring at the door.

There wasn't much Summer could say on that. It was true, after all. "It's time to trust Ziggy. Flynn's giving him his clothes back."

That was the cause of an eyebrow raise. "Good. As worried as I am for Ziggy, he has a better taste in what to wear than Flynn does." It was said deadpan, and Summer wasn't sure if he meant it or not.

But that was for another time.

 

Ziggy finished Axe practice with some relief, glad that Dillon hadn't been there. One, he did need a bit of work - didn't need Doctor K to tell him that - and he didn't need to worry about hitting Dillon.

"Hey." Flynn was working on one of his smoothies as Ziggy walked by. "Movie night tonight. Got a preference?"

Nobody had asked him before, and he had a vague desire to ask why he was being asked, but he was determined to not stick out. He would not be a nail to be hammered down. "Um... all I can think of is something light and fluffy," he said cautiously. "Kind of not into explosions, you know?"

"Keep that in mind when we go searching for movies, then," Flynn said warmly. "We'll be setting up the couches after dinner, all right?"

"Just let me get a good night's sleep so that Doctor K doesn't have my head, okay?" Ziggy asked. "'Cause insomnia? Bad thing."

"Don't worry. We'll make sure you get to bed in time." Flynn seemed amused for some reason. Ziggy wanted to shake his head, but just nodded, heading up to his room. He should probably socialize, but he didn't quite feel like it that afternoon.

He was ready to flop into bed after carefully not locking his door when something caught his attention. There was a box that hadn't been there before. Opening it a little cautiously, he let out a whoop when he saw that there were clothes inside. His clothes, the ones he'd gotten when he came to the Garage and the ones that Flynn had bought when they'd gone a day or two before.

Maybe they were starting to trust him. At least with his clothes. Which was a good sign! Though it made him wonder if they were going to really let up on him.

Well, he'd see at dinner. And movie. And everything else.

 

He woke up the next morning on one of the couches, a pillow under his head and a blanket tucked around him. He decided after a moment that he didn't want to know who'd done it. Maybe they'd done it just because, anyway.  
   
Making breakfast, he set out bowls and plates for everybody. He wasn't sure who was supposed to do it, and he didn't care. It felt so much like it had been before, and it made him happy.  
   
"Ziggy-" Flynn said, as soon as he saw him, but Summer shot Flynn a look that Ziggy was glad to see, a look that said 'don't do it'. He could only hope that everybody listened, because he definitely didn't want to lose his temper, no matter what. It would probably make a bad situation worse, like any time he dared speak up.  
   
Flynn didn't say anything further on that, just "what's for breakfast, lad?"  
   
"Toast, orange juice. Yeah, think that's pretty much it. Cereal's in the cupboard." Better Summer talk to Flynn than him. Of course, he'd have to talk to Flynn someday, but until then, why rock the damn boat? "Pretty sure it's my turn at breakfast rotation, anyway." Assuming they hadn't switched up everything after... that. He was hoping they hadn't.  
   
"Yeah, but we weren't going to hold you to it." Flynn said. "But if you want to...."  
   
"Hey, I'm part of this, too." He might not have wanted it, but he was going to have to suffer through it. And might as well steal a little bit of fun while he was at it.  
   
Because he knew, after all, that there were far less pleasant things to fill his day now. Like training, and testing. Eternal testing, courtesy Doctor K.  
   
They finished their breakfasts, and Ziggy made sure everything was in the dishwasher. Handwashing dishes when he didn't have to was not his thing. Especially since he had to save his energy for getting tossed around or whatever Doctor K had in mind.  
   
"How are you doing?" Summer asked as he finished.  
   
"Better, thanks." He wiped his hands on a towel before tossing it into the bin for cleaning. Too bad he really couldn't do this forever. "Thanks for, um, stopping Flynn from hovering."  
   
"I know it bugs you." she leaned against the counter. "And we have to trust each other. Just tell one of us when something's wrong - we're your teammates."  
   
"It's kinda hard to tell with depression." He hoped they'd all assume that he'd been told the whole thing by Dr. Biren, instead of knowing it for years because he'd looked it up one day. Sometimes knowledge was dangerous if you applied it wrong. "It's the kind of thing that wanders in when you're not looking, from what I'm told, and by then you're not in the mood to deal. And there's some other psych-y stuff that makes it easy to trigger the depression part, and the whole not wanting to seem crazy thing." Though that store clerk - Susan? Maria? -  seemed to be coping fine. Or maybe she was just good at hiding it. "But at least the suicidal part's pretty obvious. I can do that."  
   
Especially if he had to get along with these people and fight alongside them. They deserved to know, even if it made him seem weak. He'd like Corinth to survive, thanks, and if they weren't going to let him die, he owed it to the town to keep in shape. Or at least get in shape and then stay there.  
   
People needed him, and even if it sucked, sometimes you had to do what sucked. If he survived prison, he could survive this.  
   
Besides, this had to be the nicest group of coworkers he'd ever had. And Doctor K, having worked so hard to keep him alive, was unlikely to kill him for failure. He hoped.  
   
"That's all I can ask." There was a twinkle in Summer's eyes that might have been missing the last few days. "Anybody else I need to talk to?"  
   
"Dillon?" He should probably be dealing with Dillon himself, but not in the mood quite yet to deal with Dillon. It was clear to him that he'd worried his friend a lot, and he just didn't know how to patch it up. Yeah, he sucked.  
   
"He might be tougher than Flynn." But at least Summer hadn't said no.  
   
"Yeah, but I need a character witness, 'cause I can't have him worrying about me forever."  
   
That caused her to laugh.a little, before sobering up. "I think we're all going to be worried for a while. But I'll talk to Dillon, if you think that'll help."  
   
"Yeah, it will." Couldn't do much about the others, and might as well do what he could. "I'd better get ready for training. I'm up this morning." He would have some time to just do what he wanted to do, but training was a part of his life now. And it wasn't worse than prison.  
   
"Ranger Green," Doctor K paged, and he made a face. "Report to the training room."  
   
"Time really flies, doesn't it?" he asked Summer, who was making a sympathetic face at him. He hadn't remembered training being that early - maybe he'd gotten it wrong?  
   
But he'd survive.  
   
He headed into the room, noting the door sliding shut behind him. "Yeah, Doctor K? I was sure my training wasn't for another hour...."  
   
"It is not. Ranger Red and I were supposed to meet, but he was required to coordinate with Corinth's military operations this morning. Therefore, I determined that this was the optimal time to converse with you in regards to your feelings, instead of using training time to do so."  
   
"You called me in here to ask me how I was, Doc?" Ziggy had a feeling that it was more than that, but he wanted to make light of the matter.  
   
"Ranger Green, you are currently off active duty due to a medical condition that was nearly fatal. I am not asking this to converse about the climatic conditions of Corinth."  
   
It took him a moment to parse that. Doctor K wanted to know how he was feeling, because it was a medical thing. And he was kind of wearing a lie detector, so he really couldn't lie. "I kinda wish that you and Dillon hadn't found me. But when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. If this is what I gotta do, then I'm gonna do it." He took a deep breath. "Doc, when I'm determined to do something, I'm pretty good at finishing it. Usually." Barring overly-bright bosses who never slept.  
   
At least he wasn't having to clean the floor with a toothbrush.  
   
"I expect to be told of any suicidal thoughts and feelings, or if you feel that you need another therapist appointment."  
   
"I think I can do that. I'll be in here a lot, though." Really, he was wearing a lie detector on his arm. If he didn't say anything, Doctor K would, and he'd like not to be called out on it. "It's a chronic thing."  
   
"I have read the literature on the subject and am aware of that. That is why you will wear your morpher at all times, with the possible exception of during your daily hygiene routine. It will enable me to detect if your readings indicate that you are having a recurrence."  
   
"Doc K, I have the sense that you don't trust me." He tried his best hurt pout.

"Given that your condition requires monitoring, and that it is, as you stated to Ranger Yellow, difficult to detect by yourself, I feel it is prudent to have somebody besides you watching for signs of recurrence."

Well, feel the love from Doctor K. He might be harder to convince than Dillon, though it would be hard to tell what was Doctor K's version of worry, and his standard testing procedures. Ziggy didn't think that anything but hard evidence would sway K, so he might as well go along with it. "Right."

"Ranger Green, were you aware before this of your mental health issues?" Doctor K asked, as if Ziggy hadn't said anything.

"Doc. I did go to a psych or two when I was in my early teens, but… kinda don't want to be the sick kid when people are trying to adopt or foster you, you know? I wanted a home; kinda hard when you've been declared mentally ill. So I lied to them, and they never really diagnosed me, so…." Yeah, psychs were easy, but he felt he owed it to the team to be honest with Doctor K on this.

His boss was quiet for a few moments. "I see. You are dismissed, Ranger Green."

Ziggy got out of there as fast as he could.

  
There was only one time, at least, when the team was called out while he was still off-duty. It probably would have felt stranger if he'd had more than that one fight as a Ranger, but it was more like in the old days, when the Rangers had left to fight the AttackBot, and he was left to his own devices.

"So, I'm not going to get sedated, am I?" he asked, though mostly to the air as he knew that Doc K was busy coordinating Rangers to worry about Ziggy right at the moment.

"You are not under suicide watch." Doctor K sounded slightly distracted. "Therefore I see no need to waste resources."

"Oh. Yeah." He looked around to see if there was any cleaning to be done - place like this always needed it - and decided not to make a fuss. If there was anything he could do to get everybody to stop worrying, he'd do it, but in the meantime, being invisible sounded good right now.

Too bad it wasn't his suit power.

The others came back in after the fight, and Dillon looked over, as if surprised he'd be sweeping up the maintenance area of the garage. But he and the others headed towards briefing, and Ziggy was glad that he didn't have to do that. This one time.

He had a lot of battles in his future, and lots more debriefing.

 

At the end of the week, he was sent back to Dr. Biren. Which he didn't know how to deal with. He would give anything to stay off duty, not screw up saving the world, but he might not have a choice.

Unless he could convince Dr. Biren that he should stay off duty a little while longer, just as he'd convinced him that he wasn't suicidal.

"So," Dr. Biren said, once they were in his office, "How are you feeling? Better?"

"A bit," Ziggy said cautiously. "Less bad, I mean. Things have been getting better."

"It's too bad that you'll never be able to take any of the standard anti-depressants," Dr. Biren said, "But has the temazepam been working for you? It's one of the few medications that worked with your physiology."

"Yeah, it's been helping me sleep. Doc K said how addictive it was, so I've been kind of using it sparingly, when I really need it." He'd seen drug addiction. It wasn't pretty, and Ziggy wasn't going to become an addict if he could help it.

"Just don't forget to take it when you do need it, that's what it's there for." Dr. Biren was nodding. "How do you feel about the other Rangers?"

"They're nice. I'm getting along with them better than when I started. Which, um, isn't saying much. But they're helping me train and things like that, and they're kinda getting used to me."

"Do you feel that you have support?" Dr. Biren was folding his hands.

"Yeah... it's really weird, but I guess they were more willing to support me than I was ready for them." They deserved so much better, but he didn't want to say that. He was not going back on Suicide Watch if he could help it. That was something he never, ever wanted to experience again. "I'm still getting used to this team thing. Is this normal for military stuff?"

"Yes, though I imagine that the Rangers are even closer, given the pressures that people in your program face."

"That's an understatement! Yeah, they were really worried about me. I couldn't understand why at first, but I guess that you gotta be. Well, Dillon's kind of a loner, but we're close friends and everything."

Dr. Biren nodded at that, and made a note. "Are you having any problems?"

"Um… other than I have a lot of catching up to do before I can defend anybody? Not really." This was the time to slip in how unready he felt. "Most of 'em knew how to fight before they joined."

"Do your teammates think that you're learning?" Dr. Biren said, not commenting otherwise on Ziggy's words.

"They're pretty encouraging, but it's hard to get worse than I am, kinda really. Friend of mine said when this whole thing started that it's harder to learn to be brave than learn how to fight, so I guess I'll kinda get better. I just don't quite feel it, know what I mean?"

"Yes. Maybe you should think of it as them being comfortable enough in their own skills to know that you'll grow into your own. Do they worry about you hurting them?"

"Not in my earshot." There was always the possibility that they were saying it where he couldn't hear. He'd certainly deserve it. But they were being pretty discreet about it.

"Then maybe you should trust them, too."

That sounded disappointingly like he was going to be put back on active duty. "I don't know. It's like I make a better housekeeper than a fighter, y'know? I accidentally buried my axe in the wall during combat." Well, given Doctor K's preps, he'd minorly dented the wall, if that. "I don't know if they should trust me in combat with a weapon."

"But it sounds like they might. Would you be willing to at least try? Go out there and fight, see how it goes."

"I don't know. I realized I'm the only one who can use this thing, but… I just feel like I'm gonna fail when I get out there."

 

There was a nod from his psych. "It's not uncommon, especially when it comes to here. Unsurprisingly, the end of the world tends to be depressing and nerve-wracking. I think that trusting each other helps. And even if you fail? I'll be here if you need me. But I suspect you won't."

"Does that mean you're going to put me on active?" Speaking of failure, that had to be a bit of one.

"Only if you're willing. It's a big responsibility."

He really didn't want to go back on active duty as a Ranger. He didn't want to die, at least not that way. He could stall this and be off duty for another week.

But he had ears. He knew they needed their fifth, as stupid and clumsy as he was. They'd welcomed him into their ranks, he was their teammate, and bizarrely, they'd trusted that he would be able to complete him. Him, Ziggy Grover, Scorpion Cartel failure! It was a kind of trust that he'd always failed at, and would probably fail at again, but maybe it was time to try, and if needed be, tell the doc that he told him so. Besides, if he was going to survive this, if all of them were, he had to get better. And that did not mean getting better at cleaning beneath the sofa.

He'd been brave, and he'd stolen a truck to help kids survive. And then he'd kept to his word and bonded with the morpher and changed his life. Maybe it was stupidity, but he really didn't have anything to lose, did he? Someone would catch him if he fell.

"Yeah. Put me back on." The moment after the words fell out of his mouth, he felt a certain amount of trepidation. But it was too late to turn back. It had been too late when he'd pulled that lever.

Dr. Biren smiled.

 

Scott wanted to pace in the waiting room as Ziggy had his appointment. Both Summer and Flynn had been hurt before, and had been taken to medical doctors to make sure they were all right. This was no different, except that this time the problem was mental, not physical.

He wanted his team to be complete. He wanted Ziggy to be ready. He hadn't wanted Ziggy, but that's who he had, and that's who he would work with. Besides, at least Ziggy had been willing to work with them, to trust them, and to listen. He couldn't say the same of every recruit he might have encountered. Ziggy had a long way to go, but he was at least taking the steps he needed, and Scott had confidence that he would go further.

The psychiatrist lead Ziggy out, shaking his hand and beaming. "So?" he asked, hoping that there was some good news coming out of all that.

"I'll let him tell you the news," the doctor said, before disappearing into the depths of the medical facility.

Ziggy left him waiting until they got to the car. "He's recommending I go back on active duty. 'Cause we both think I can make it, you know?"

 

"That would be all of us." Scott knew that Flynn and Summer were planning something, assuming that Ziggy was back on duty, of course. It was the start of their time as a full team, and at least putting the whole situation with Ziggy in the past.

Ziggy wasn't the perfect teammate, but they'd adjusted. They'd accepted him, oddities and all. And going forward, they would all be better for it.


	7. Chapter 7

_In the future_

 

"Mr. Ziggy?"

Ziggy Grover looked up as he finished some paperwork. Lydia Stevenson was standing at the door of his office. "I'm sorry to bother you, but...."

He had first met Lydia at Ms. Robinson's orphanage before she'd been adopted, and she'd later become one of his students, until she'd gone on to middle school. She was a nice girl, but insecure and sensitive, and he'd done the best he could to boost her confidence. Right now, the middle-schooler's eyes were red-rimmed, and it wasn't any surprise that she'd run to someone she'd trust if she was upset.

"It's all right. Want to sit down?" he asked, indicating the other chair in the room. His wife was working on other things; he was supposed to meet her in a bit, but the students always came first.

"Thanks," she said. She sniffled.

He pushed a box of tissues towards her. "Wanna talk about it?"

"I... I want to kill myself, Mr. Ziggy." She looked at him as if she was expecting him to freak out. Which he didn't, of course.

He stayed silent, letting her continue, her sentence punctuated with sobs and hiccups. "It's just... I'm so bad at schoolwork, and I don't have any friends, and....."

"And you want to die." He'd had training on how to deal with suicidal kids; in some ways, it was tougher than when Dillon and the others had had to deal with him, all those years ago.

"Yeah." She looked at him with sad, tired eyes. "I do."

"Wanna talk about it?" he invited again.

"I don't want to burden you with how stupid I am," she said, blowing her nose and looking down at her shoes. "I'm a failure; I can't ever be what anyone wants me to be."

He watched her, thinking of how he'd felt when he'd first become a Ranger, and thinking it was such a good idea to die in order to force a new Ranger Green.

She didn't elaborate further, just looked at him. "You won't tell anyone, will you?"

Dillon had almost made that mistake once, with him. A curious Summer had put paid to that rather fast.  
"I don't know if that's such a good idea." She looked at him with fearful eyes, but at least she didn't get up or run or anything like that. "I mean, if someone had made me that promise, I might not be here right now."

He could see the gears in Lydia's mind turning as she realized what he meant. "You?" she asked, eyes widening.

Ziggy was sure this was not in the manual for how to deal with a suicidal person, but if it distracted her, then maybe she could think a bit straighter. "Yeah."

"B-but you were a Ranger...." Like most of Corinth, she tended to see their heroic side, as figures, not as imperfect human beings.

"Yeah. I tried to kill myself the night after becoming one." He sat back in his chair. "And unlike you, I didn't tell anyone because I was too afraid to. So, you're doing better than I did."

"But you're here now."

"Yeah. My friend Dillon kind of figured it out, and told the others. Not on purpose, but he did. And I was kind of upset about it at the time. But it turned out okay after all."

"Mr. Ziggy, why did you want to kill yourself?" Lydia asked. At least she was focusing on his past instead of her pain. All he had to do was give her some way to cope until he could get her to see a doctor.

"Well, I... kind of became a Ranger by accident. The other Rangers and my boss weren't very happy about it at first, and because of the way the morphers work, I couldn't just hand it off to someone else, I was stuck with it. I couldn't fight and I thought they had a pretty low opinion of me, and I couldn't live with that, so I decided dying would be a good thing."

She sat there, listening raptly, the occasional snuffle notwithstanding. "I couldn't tell anyone because I thought that they'd hate me even more for being weak because I wanted to die," he continued. "But I thought they'd be happy I was gone. Well, except Dillon. Turns out that it wasn't true with the others, either." That was the understatement of the decade. "They were there for me, gave me help, got me through it. I know it sounds like some greeting card movie, but yeah. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for my teammates being there."

"I don't have any friends, though," Lydia said. "Would anybody care? I can't seem to remember things, no matter how hard I try. I can't keep up on things. No matter how hard I try, I'm always failing."

"But I'm sure you have people who love you," Ziggy said. "People you might not expect." He took a deep breath. "Give it some time. Talk to a doctor. Talk to your parents."

She shook her head, wiping at her tears. "I... can't. But I had to let somebody know...."

"I'm glad you decided to trust me," Ziggy assured her. "But really, I think you're stronger than you think. And you have more people that love you than you know." He'd learned that really well in his first days. Being off duty for nearly a week with concerned teammates connected him to his team in ways he hadn't expected. "Promise me something."

"I don't think I should... but I'll try." She looked at him.

"Make me the same promise to me that my teammate Flynn made me promise him." It wouldn't be the exact same thing, but it would come close. "If you ever feel like this, talk to someone. Me, if you need to. I can't promise to keep it secret... but I can help. I'll help now, if you want me."

"I... I can promise that," she said quietly, hiccuping. "I don't think things will get better, but..." She looked up at him. "I don't know if I can ask that of you."

"Hey, that's what I'm here for," Ziggy said. "You want me to talk to your folks? Or do you want to go to the hospital?"

"Did you have to go, Mr. Ziggy?" she asked suddenly.

"No, but I very nearly did," Ziggy told her. "I could have. Maybe I should have."

He could see his wife pausing in the hallway and wondered if he should shoo her away or if that would draw attention to her. "I guess if a Ranger was suicidal... and got through it... I can get through it too." She looked at him, wiping a tear. "But... um. I want to tell my folks, if that's okay, Mr. Ziggy. By myself."

"Do you think you can do it?" Ziggy asked gently.

"I... it's going to be hard, but I'll try. But will you be here if I fail?" she asked.

He nodded. "I will. I'll be here for you. 'Cause that was also a promise someone made to me, long ago."

She sniffled, and swallowed a sob that threatened to turn into a hiccup. "I guess I'll go, then." She got up.

"You don't have to, if you don't want." He didn't want her to feel like she had nobody to turn to, until she realized she had plenty of people to turn to.

"Thank you very much, Mr. Ziggy." She looked at him, wiping at tears futilely again. "But I want to be as brave as you."

"I guess being willing to be helped is a kind of bravery," he said. "Think about it. And if you need me... I'll be here." Behind her, his wife slipped away from the door.

Watching Lydia leave, he forced himself not to slump, to stay strong-looking, in case she came back.  
"I believe that one is supposed to debrief after encountering a suicidal person," his wife said, coming in the door. Heck, she was familiar with what to do, thanks to what they'd gone through those years ago.

"Yeah." He rubbed his face. "I think so." He watched as she took Lydia's vacated chair. "That brings up memories...."

"Indeed," she said. "You caused us much distress that day. All of us."

She still spoke formally, despite everything, using big words. It was funny how they'd ended up together, the super genius and the "stupid" ex-Cartel member. But he wouldn't give her up for anything, and he'd like to think she felt the same way.

"Yeah. Sorry." By the time she came out of her hiding place, he'd been going to therapy on a semi-regular basis with Dr. Biren and had never thought to ask her about it. There were too many crises going on, too much training and testing to ask how she'd felt about the issue. Besides, it had taken a long time for him to realize that they were in love with each other. "I never really asked how you felt."

"Irritated that you hadn't indicated that you were in such distress. Upset that you'd consider death to be an acceptable solution to your problem." She paused for a moment. "And also irritated because I wanted to know why the bond happened at the time." She looked at him. "I know why now."

That brought a smile to his face. "Yeah." He was aware that it was an absolutely silly smile, but he didn't care. As he'd told Lydia, he knew people cared about him. "But it turned out okay in the end."

"Certainly, given that I modified your morpher to detect such distress in the future and alert me."

"Yeah, I remember." He'd been wearing a combination locator and mood detector for the rest of his time as a Ranger. Not that he blamed her.

"Correct." She sighed. "I'm going to go and take care some bureaucratic issues. I trust if you need to unburden yourself, you know where to find me."

"I do, thanks," he said, giving her a smile. "I keep by my promises."

"I know." Her tone softened a little. "You always do. Even when it causes you pain."

But she didn't go into that. She merely gathered her paperwork and left, leaving him to his thoughts and hopes and prayers that Lydia would be all right. That he would be all right.

Because, somewhere out there, everyone was loved.


End file.
